Monday, August 31, 2009

spending time finding stuff, trying to decide on audiology equipment, rethinking how I packed last year and how I will do a MUCH better job this year.....also trying to realize that, for whatever I would call better or worse.....it will all work out.   I have re engaged in reading the blogs of the Haitian missionaries still there, and it still connects with me. I hope it continues to do so when I arrive! 

remembering all the names of the staff, kids, etc.,   I am not good at.   I have been looking thru some pic's for help, and it does help.  I remember joy, frustration, etc., with most pic's.   this year will be different it appears; more help (at least for awhile), more visits, possibly more kids.   all will go as it will.   take care to all in Haiti, avoid the storms as best you can.

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Wednesday Aug 26, 2009

So, it seems that as I was sitting around, with my back hurting and all, I actually began to think about what I really was going to do this fall.    I guess about 5 last night, it occurred to me that I really was going back to Haiti, and something changed in me.  I actually went out to the garage and exercised for about 10 minutes (bad back limitations) and came in and started to work on lists and plans.  I woke up this morning, my back feels 100% better, only slight pulling sensation in certain positions, and I am cleaning my bedroom, finding all the stuff that has sifted down to the bottom that I will need for Haiti.  It's occurred to me that having rediscovered intent and purpose, I feel better, have more energy and actually want to do more than complain of a bad back. 

makes me think of that garden thing long ago.   This Adam guy had it going, the whole world to himself, God as his buddy, but he still needed something to do, a reason to get out of bed.  So God gave him this garden thing to hang out in and take care of.  Well, Eve came along and......I digress.    :)        But it really was good when Adam was hanging out with God, being buddies and doing his thing.   

I hope I remember this post when I am back in Haiti, it is 4000 degrees and there is no power or water or gas.    Someone remind me then ok?     Or, on second thought, remind me after the power comes back on and I have a fan to sit by.  

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Monday, August 24, 2009

Amazing how stupidity seems to follow people (ok, me) everywhere. As an update on summer activities, I did not get the part time job at the VA, which would have paid anpil cob! Instead, I eventually got a job as a cart pusher at a Wal Mart in Cahokia, IL, about 11 miles from my house. The job I actually enjoyed, it was about helping people, and when it was done, I could walk away and not even think about it. the people there were nice also. Well, I hurt my neck pushing carts one day and the pain was.....painful, very painful. I have some bulging disc's in my upper back and lower back from.....previous stupidity.... and the pushing of the carts caused it to flare up again. Spent about a week getting over it, decided that at 52 I just can't be that stupid anymore so I quit that job. Later I helped a friend in packing and shipping computers, monitors and peripherals to send to schools across the country, which is his job. Wayne was being nice and giving me some part time work (yes, that Wayne), but again, my stupidity trumped anyone elses good intentions. I was loading a monitor into a box.....a really big, heavy, old Dell monitor into a box flat on the ground....and my grip slipped. As I tried to shift to catch the weight....I injured my low back again. So that has been about a week now, and while better, I am still nowhere ready for my next really stupid adventure, it will take me some time to work up to that.

When I came home this summer I was determined to just listen to God, or at least try to, and not predetermine what path He may lead me. So I did not assume I would stay here, or return to Haiti, or anything. I was, and am trying to let God be God a little more (lot?) in my life, and the doors of America seem to have closed this summer to me. No VA job, no part time audiology gig to go with. And for whatever reason, it seems Gary and Caroline will still have me back in Haiti. So it appears I will be returning this fall again, though likely not in time for school, sometime in October. I have not arranged anything yet, I need to get audiology equipment to bring, etc. And, I go without the emotional component I had last year. What I mean is that I go without expectations that anything I could do will change things significantly. I still have a heart for the people of Haiti, but more so, it seems I have learned that I can only be effective in anything I do by following God. I fully expect that I will forget that more times than I remember, but at least it is a start.

Reading Carolines blog, the area in St. Marc is w/o regular power, as the generator in Gonaives is out. So it looks like generator only, limited internet and other electrical conveniences. Also, the other private Christian school in the town closed unexpectedly, so there will be way more students than we have room or books for, so it seems I may be moderately useful this year, if only to keep some type of order with the kids. I pray it works out, I know it will, and I again try to look at today, and let tomorrow take care of itself. Sounds like another, greater adventure is in store for me. I will miss my son's, family and friends. But I think it will be ok.

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Tuesday, Aug 4, 2009

He lives!    summer is passing quickly here,  wonderful weather, rarely above the low 90's.   I am working at Wal Mart in a nearby town part time....and while the pay is a lot less than I made before, the lack of stress is an amazing benefit.   I hope to be back in Haiti this fall, maybe not until January though, for the lack of stress personally is stressful, however to my bank account!

while home I have been reading and re reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.  love the book, written by an recovering alcoholic ex Catholic priest about grace.   It seems to me that I have limited the grace I have allowed God to show me in my life, and by doing so, limited the grace I have been willing to show others.   I have always had this thing, "...grace is wonderful and I love God for it,  but.......".      I am gradually giving up the but's (sorry!) and just accepting grace as it is.   In doing so, I find it easier to accept the lack of perfection of others, as I become more able to accept my own issues.   It seems that this truth will set you free stuff really has something to it.   Who knew?    :)

as I look at a possible return to Haiti, I think far less of what I can do in a worldly fashion to change others lives, because in reality their circumstances aren't under my control.   I realize that it is very likely everyone else on the planet understood that, but it has taken me a little time to accept it myself.   It seems to me that accepting God's grace and then sharing it with others is in a very real sense all we can really do with our lives.   The trick is to find an outlet for it.    This goes back to something I talked about this past spring, about actually living with Haitians in community and sharing life with them.   Very scary at first, not as much now (which admittedly may be because I am a few thousand miles away)  but also very real now.  it seems that the less I care about someone's circumstances, the more I can care about them personally, as a human being.    That may not be the way others are wired, but it seems to be my way.  I think I confused a person's circumstances with their life, and that appears to be two different things to me now.   God willing, I hope to be able to share that with others.

Oh, and the important part.....I have always had a music thing.   Never learned to play anything, took a few guitar lessons when young before those dreaded  "circumstances" changed.   I know think I may want to pursue the drums.....so for those close to me.....ear plugs may be advisable!

Bondye benis ou.  

Thursday June 25, 2009

well it's been almost a month since I've logged into blogger, almost forgot how. I am "home" in the US now and trying to fit back into life here....for awhile at least. it seems that life in the states goes on without slowing down, and trying to jump back on the moving merry go round is kind of hard. there is no routine really for me here yet. I have spent way too much money and eaten far too many meals "out on the town"...including Applebee's and Burger King. so I need to cut back...especially since work is not jumping out at me to obtain. have been in contact with a friend who has contacts with many audiologists and he knows of no summer vacation needs for work, so I need a plan B.....likely fast food or pizza delivery, IF I can get it.

I am working thru the process of deciding whether to return to Haiti next year. as I said, work has not been forthcoming, so again it becomes a matter of faith. as I wrestle with God on this, if I feel Haiti is where He wants me, Iwill go and not worry about the money. and if not, well,then I will find whatever work I can. I do have a chance to get some used audiology equipment very cheaply, $1000 for a used audiometer and tympanometer. that would help if I go back to be able to maybe do some work there to make some money. I know it will all work out.....sometimes I just wish I could peak at the end of the chapter to see how things work out! I hope and pray that Al and Bev, Gary and Caroline, Barb and the other missionaries home for summer are having good summers. And that those still there are surviving the heat! I see there has been no storm activity yet and I praise God for that! we'll see how summer goes along. I miss some things there. I do miss the kids and staff, they all became a part of my life. I don't miss so many other things, but I guess that is kind of the way it was being in Haiti and thinking of the US. it is good to see my son's and catch up on their lives, to see friends and see where their lives are going. I guess I just have to find a way to live in both places at the same time. or maybe 6 months here, 6 months there. life is good to have such problems.

Bondye benis ou.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This is my last post from Haiti. We will be taking a short day trip today and leaving tomorrow morning, so this evening will be packing and such. I can't summarize 9 months of living a different life, nor can I summarize how much I have learned here. As I return to the States, I hope to be able to make what I have learned here part of my life at home. Thanks to everyone who helped thru support and prayers. There were times when prayer was likely the one thing that kept me going. I thank Gary and Caroline for the opportunity to be here, I thank Al/Bev/Barb and the rest of the missionary group here for friendship and mutual support. It's time to go home.

Bondye benis ou.

Monday, June 1, 2009

yesterday we went to the Felmy's to celebrate Mike and Mirian's 50th anniversary...except that Mike was stuck in Florida, unable to fly his small plane to Haiti due to weather. so a good time was had by...most everyone. Got to see the spectacular view from the roof of the Felmy's clinic, overlooking a small valley and the coast. I have pic's but again I cannot post them.

today we took the team down to the orphanage to see the kids and the community. we were there till about 2, then returned and I went out again about 5 with Elizabeth to.....rent her a new apartment!! Yes, it is done, she has a 2 room place for her and her kids to stay in. It was a struggle to find a place she could afford but God provided and they have a place to stay for at least one year.

Hot and humid.....over and over. so I am getting used to it....just in time to leave. I will post tomorrow evening, I think, as a farewell. it has been a fabulous experience, my view of the world will never be the same, and I hope and pray that I can use that to serve God in the time He allows me to. If you ever get a chance to do something like this, you owe it to yourself to do it. You will be changed forever. I know God's grace abounds in poverty and deprivation. I truly hope to return, if and when He will's it. that's all for now.

Bondye benis ou.