Monday, August 31, 2009

spending time finding stuff, trying to decide on audiology equipment, rethinking how I packed last year and how I will do a MUCH better job this year.....also trying to realize that, for whatever I would call better or worse.....it will all work out.   I have re engaged in reading the blogs of the Haitian missionaries still there, and it still connects with me. I hope it continues to do so when I arrive! 

remembering all the names of the staff, kids, etc.,   I am not good at.   I have been looking thru some pic's for help, and it does help.  I remember joy, frustration, etc., with most pic's.   this year will be different it appears; more help (at least for awhile), more visits, possibly more kids.   all will go as it will.   take care to all in Haiti, avoid the storms as best you can.

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Wednesday Aug 26, 2009

So, it seems that as I was sitting around, with my back hurting and all, I actually began to think about what I really was going to do this fall.    I guess about 5 last night, it occurred to me that I really was going back to Haiti, and something changed in me.  I actually went out to the garage and exercised for about 10 minutes (bad back limitations) and came in and started to work on lists and plans.  I woke up this morning, my back feels 100% better, only slight pulling sensation in certain positions, and I am cleaning my bedroom, finding all the stuff that has sifted down to the bottom that I will need for Haiti.  It's occurred to me that having rediscovered intent and purpose, I feel better, have more energy and actually want to do more than complain of a bad back. 

makes me think of that garden thing long ago.   This Adam guy had it going, the whole world to himself, God as his buddy, but he still needed something to do, a reason to get out of bed.  So God gave him this garden thing to hang out in and take care of.  Well, Eve came along and......I digress.    :)        But it really was good when Adam was hanging out with God, being buddies and doing his thing.   

I hope I remember this post when I am back in Haiti, it is 4000 degrees and there is no power or water or gas.    Someone remind me then ok?     Or, on second thought, remind me after the power comes back on and I have a fan to sit by.  

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Monday, August 24, 2009

Amazing how stupidity seems to follow people (ok, me) everywhere. As an update on summer activities, I did not get the part time job at the VA, which would have paid anpil cob! Instead, I eventually got a job as a cart pusher at a Wal Mart in Cahokia, IL, about 11 miles from my house. The job I actually enjoyed, it was about helping people, and when it was done, I could walk away and not even think about it. the people there were nice also. Well, I hurt my neck pushing carts one day and the pain was.....painful, very painful. I have some bulging disc's in my upper back and lower back from.....previous stupidity.... and the pushing of the carts caused it to flare up again. Spent about a week getting over it, decided that at 52 I just can't be that stupid anymore so I quit that job. Later I helped a friend in packing and shipping computers, monitors and peripherals to send to schools across the country, which is his job. Wayne was being nice and giving me some part time work (yes, that Wayne), but again, my stupidity trumped anyone elses good intentions. I was loading a monitor into a box.....a really big, heavy, old Dell monitor into a box flat on the ground....and my grip slipped. As I tried to shift to catch the weight....I injured my low back again. So that has been about a week now, and while better, I am still nowhere ready for my next really stupid adventure, it will take me some time to work up to that.

When I came home this summer I was determined to just listen to God, or at least try to, and not predetermine what path He may lead me. So I did not assume I would stay here, or return to Haiti, or anything. I was, and am trying to let God be God a little more (lot?) in my life, and the doors of America seem to have closed this summer to me. No VA job, no part time audiology gig to go with. And for whatever reason, it seems Gary and Caroline will still have me back in Haiti. So it appears I will be returning this fall again, though likely not in time for school, sometime in October. I have not arranged anything yet, I need to get audiology equipment to bring, etc. And, I go without the emotional component I had last year. What I mean is that I go without expectations that anything I could do will change things significantly. I still have a heart for the people of Haiti, but more so, it seems I have learned that I can only be effective in anything I do by following God. I fully expect that I will forget that more times than I remember, but at least it is a start.

Reading Carolines blog, the area in St. Marc is w/o regular power, as the generator in Gonaives is out. So it looks like generator only, limited internet and other electrical conveniences. Also, the other private Christian school in the town closed unexpectedly, so there will be way more students than we have room or books for, so it seems I may be moderately useful this year, if only to keep some type of order with the kids. I pray it works out, I know it will, and I again try to look at today, and let tomorrow take care of itself. Sounds like another, greater adventure is in store for me. I will miss my son's, family and friends. But I think it will be ok.

Bondye benis ou

Dan

Tuesday, Aug 4, 2009

He lives!    summer is passing quickly here,  wonderful weather, rarely above the low 90's.   I am working at Wal Mart in a nearby town part time....and while the pay is a lot less than I made before, the lack of stress is an amazing benefit.   I hope to be back in Haiti this fall, maybe not until January though, for the lack of stress personally is stressful, however to my bank account!

while home I have been reading and re reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.  love the book, written by an recovering alcoholic ex Catholic priest about grace.   It seems to me that I have limited the grace I have allowed God to show me in my life, and by doing so, limited the grace I have been willing to show others.   I have always had this thing, "...grace is wonderful and I love God for it,  but.......".      I am gradually giving up the but's (sorry!) and just accepting grace as it is.   In doing so, I find it easier to accept the lack of perfection of others, as I become more able to accept my own issues.   It seems that this truth will set you free stuff really has something to it.   Who knew?    :)

as I look at a possible return to Haiti, I think far less of what I can do in a worldly fashion to change others lives, because in reality their circumstances aren't under my control.   I realize that it is very likely everyone else on the planet understood that, but it has taken me a little time to accept it myself.   It seems to me that accepting God's grace and then sharing it with others is in a very real sense all we can really do with our lives.   The trick is to find an outlet for it.    This goes back to something I talked about this past spring, about actually living with Haitians in community and sharing life with them.   Very scary at first, not as much now (which admittedly may be because I am a few thousand miles away)  but also very real now.  it seems that the less I care about someone's circumstances, the more I can care about them personally, as a human being.    That may not be the way others are wired, but it seems to be my way.  I think I confused a person's circumstances with their life, and that appears to be two different things to me now.   God willing, I hope to be able to share that with others.

Oh, and the important part.....I have always had a music thing.   Never learned to play anything, took a few guitar lessons when young before those dreaded  "circumstances" changed.   I know think I may want to pursue the drums.....so for those close to me.....ear plugs may be advisable!

Bondye benis ou.