Why?

I'm sure we've all asked ourselves this at one point in time or another. Why does this have to happen, why did these circumstances collide in this terrible way, etc? This morning I received an e mail from my ex wife Pat detailing what she knew about Nick Dellamano, a 25 year old young man who committed suicide Saturday evening. I had previously wrote Monday, I guess I just glazed over that after reading the first line. Nick's father was a friend of mine, and a good friend of my brothers. Nick hung himself Saturday night. He had called his father and told him he was going to do something and by the time Pat got to him it was too late. Why? I did not know Nick personally so I can't answer that, but don't we see the answers in our daily lives? Despair drives us to do things we would not do normally. Why wasn't God there? this is an obvious question. What we usually don't face is that God may well have been there in Nick's despair, calling out to him. And I will not concede that in his last moments Nick didn't meet God. His mercy abounds to us all. I can't explain it here, but I am so absolutely sure that Nick did not die alone. I pray for his family, for Pat in his grief as he found his son that way. there are no words to ease such pain, just sharing it for a short while to help is all we usually can do.

received an e mail this afternoon about Amy, who was serving what she saw as her ultimate calling, as a missionary overseas. she found out awhile ago she has cancer and is home now, doing what she can do, seeking clinical trials, seeking peace with God. Why? why call someone to a noble purpose and then not let them be part of it? all I can come up with is that God does not call us to do great things, just to be obedient to His purpose. He will do the great things, we have only to play our part as He gives it to us. I pray for Amy and her family.

Why? I don't know, and I never will. all any of us can do is take this day which is given to us and participate to out utmost. If we think we ever had control of more than that, we were fooling ourselves. It makes me think what an absolute gift I have. I am here where I truly feel I need to be now, in order to follow God. and I have a day to do something, anything to help and show someone the love of God if I get the chance. What more can we really ask for? Please pray for Pat and his family and for Amy and her family. they face what we ultimately, in our own way will also face. May God give us the grace to get thru.

Life's tragedies

please pray for the Dellamano family. Pat Dellamano is a friend of mine since grade school. He was a very good friend of my brother. Pat's son Nick committed suicide Monday night. Nick was 25 years old. Please cover this family in prayer, those who are disposed to praying. Many thanks.

September 29, 2008

well, it's about 3200 deg/Farenheit here on the surface of the sun.....oh, wait, this is Haiti. that's right.....missionary......doing good (?).... right. well,.....it's about 3200 deg/Farenheit here in Haiti. with matching humidity. well, close! went for a walk thru the 'hood here this afternoon with Jessica. I think this is as close as MANY Haitians have been to a white person in their entire lives. it was actually kind of funny. got a LOT of stares, but also many smiles and polite "bon swa"'s back to our ventured greetings. Jessica speaks Creole (she cheated, she knew French first!) and she interacts with the people who then look at me and I smile when they say things. Jessica then explains I am the stupid one of the litter, and they all laugh.....and I continue to smile. at least we are meeting some people. I would like to get to know at least a few folks here. we went to the house of one of the children who go to church where Jessica is going. (don't ask me about where I am going to church). we went to his house because his mom speaks English and we were invited...or at least Jessica was and she drug the idiot who can't speak Creole with her. His mom's name is Elizabeth and his father's name is Farkier, or something llike that. both seemed very nice, both spoke English and both laughed at me when the conversation went entirely to Creole for awhile. I entertained so many today!! tomorrow food is going the one of the villages that was hard hit by the hurricane. I may or may not be able to go, schedules and all. Iam HOPING to get some pic's sometime to share, if not I will draw some things and post them as original art forms. maybe not.... seriously I find that our morning Bible reading we do is very helpful to me personally. it focuses me on what is going on for the day, and why I am here. it is amazing how much a daily time with God can change you, focus you and help give a peace of mind about what you're doing. I heartily recommend that those of you who are disposed to prayer try it......WITHOUT having to go to Haiti!! only the dummies learn these things here. I think I said that before in this post didn't I??? maybe I should not stress that point, I still need people to support this idiot. :) all for now, I pray everyone is well at home.

"Its alright to be little bitty..."

...is the title of a C/W song. and I find out it applies to Haiti quite well. as I see how people respond to needs of their own, how others respond to those needs, it strikes me that "little bitty" is the best way to go. all the missionaries I have spoken with confirm that it is extraordinarily difficult to do BIG here. whenever someone shows up with BIG, everything else get's drowned out. riots happen, fights happen, people get hurt pushing and shoving for MORE for THEM. whether it is desperation, culture or whatever, it is virtually impossible to, say, bring a truck full of food into a crowd of hungry people. Gary says he won't even try things like that anymore. You wind up with a mob scene, possibly the truck overturned.....bad stuff. doing little things, though seems to have some effect. you can feed someone for a day or so....then feed them again for a day or so. or focus on a person, or a small family. those things can be successful, it appears. so I guess my prayers are that we have opportunities to do "little bitty" and have some impact. in that vein, I have contacted Sister Gladys of the Cannan orphanage about Ishmael. many of you reading will know about him. we are trying to get him to the States. Jen McKinney has had Ishamael on her heart for several years now, seeing ONE kid with skills and a good attitude, and trying to do something about it. Please pray that obstacles fall, doors are open and that this "little bitty" get's accomplished. One person at a time. and those who are in front of you are there for reasons, so start with them. might even work in the States....or Canada.....or anywhere else. take care.

The Daily Dose

school carries on, as does the weather. hot and humid. whuda thunk? a regular routine, as much as possible is settling in. I am feeling MUCH better now, just took 3-4 days to kick whatever it was. I am looking at getting some of the PACE booklets from Gary to go over. one of our students may want to see if he can get enough math in to take a physics class later this year. I know I will need to study up on this stuff if I am to be of ANY help to him. another challenge. yesterday Jessica was downstairs with her kids as I walked thru the upstairs hall way and I hear, "ok, let's put out right hand out.........ok, now let's put it in. NOW, let's do our right foot...". I snuck downstairs and glanced over the railing and saw her and kind of laughed. She saw me and said, "this is my $80,000 education at work!" and laughed. you do what is needed. there are fewer students this year, some have moved on to stateside schools, some I fear aren't here due to the recent hurricanes, I have not asked Gary about that yet.

we moved some wood from the carport where Al had been cutting up some wood for shelving and such things at the orphanage to the orphanage itself. it started today, Bev had 3 kids there for "school",and they showed up all smiles. they have families but at least two of them are living in shelters for those who lost their homes in the floods now, and their parents did not have the ability to care for them before either. so hopefully it is a positive step in their lives. afternoons after school Gary takes the kids home, the smaller ones, and the rest of us go home and crash for awhile from the heat. when Gary get's back anything that needs done we do. I try to keep up on keeping the generator filled with diesel (we have not had to run it for about 3 days now as we have had an unprecedented run of city power) and keep the rooftop water tanks full. it takes some work off of Gary. little things for now. my Creole continues to improve at a snails pace, but I get more words every week.

was checking on flights home for Christmas and don't know if I will or not. If I booked NOW, on American it would be $820 to get home and back for about 2 weeks. ouch. I will check on other flights and see, I may just stay though I would greatly want to be home with my family. maybe I'll just trust God on that....sounds like a plan. I appreciate the feedback in the comments it truly is encouraging. all for now. signing off.

Ups and downs

it's Sunday a.m., and I continue to struggle w/sinus problems and coughing. it is getting better (I think) so this appears to be just another lesson in patience. I sit here munching on an apple and contemplating Haiti and the new lessons I learn each day. Winston Churchill once said of Russia it is "a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma". I think he should have visited Haiti first! I hear so many stories of the unbending culture here. "...this is how we do it in Haiti..." seems to be the mantra. There seems to be little thought as to if it is possible to improve things, it must be done the Haitian way. Period. Another period. I know people who have brought new and better ways to make bricks and concrete, and more sanitary ways to process animal meats in a butcher shop, and people just completely reject them. Gary today told me a story of someone who took over a meat market who had a steamer that cleaned the bacteria and outside skin of the animals to make them cleaner and safer to work with. And the people would not touch the meat. they would take the pork, for example, and roll in around in ashes on both sides from a fire on the ground to blacken the skin first, THEN eat the meat. after rolling it around on the ground. because they didn't like it sanitized. I realize there are cultural differences in every society but Haiti seems to have an OVERWHELMING spirit of rebellion in it. It is their way or no way, and changing or improving the culture really isn't even in the thought process much. Now, everyone please take this in the spirit it is intended. I realize my culture has many flaws also, and I can't figure out how to fix them either. I am not an expert; I have been here total in my life a couple of months now. But listening to the other missionaries here and observing the culture leads to some obvious conclusions. At least for me. The first is that Haitians really want life to be better for themselves and their children. The second is that they don't want to change anything to achieve that goal. I guess that helps me focus on what is in front of me-kids in school. I hope to have some impact on them, HOPEFULLY positive! :)

Both Gary and Al, who was here all year last year, have spoken about the attitude towards the white missionaries they see now. They feel that the attitude is much more aggressive and much less friendly now than it was even last year. Both have pointed to the need of the people after the hurricanes. It makes it more difficult to engage even in the limited times I am out. At the same time I have 2x in the last week been walking the short distance from home to the school, and had a man and a woman answer me in English my broken Haitian of "bon jou". both with wonderful smiles and very friendly attitudes. Is it possible that Haiti is the worlds largest psychology experiment, designed specifically for missionaries just to pull their chains? :) Ok, I'm not that paranoid. It does present a lot of things to think about though. I rethink the things I assumed were always true or right some times. Not moral stuff, but culture stuff. It is ok for another culture to be different, obviously there are lots of people who think the US is......different. I want to make sure I give to each person I meet the right to be themselves w/o my judging them personally. But I see the overall culture as self defeating, IMHO. Jessica Mauldin, a missionary here from southern Indiana, is a 25? year old who has been to Haiti 3x's now, to Nicaragua 2x, and to Africa 2x. pretty amazing kid. she told me that she saw some rating of the countries in the America's for something, poverty, lack of opportunity, something. and the last two countries on the list were Nicaragua and then lastly Haiti. She has been to both places and she says Nic. is 2 levels above Haiti on the Jessica scale. it is cleaner, better roads, etc. Haiti just kind of stands out by itself. So I guess I'll just focus on what is in front of me, be the best teacher I can, share my faith and beliefs with those who want to hear, and leave the rest to God. I feel better about it now. I think He is far more capable of dealing with this place than I am. Having a coughing fit now, so will sign off and continue the adventure later. bye for now. blessings to everyone.

One week down, 35 more school weeks to go!

finished the first week of school and it has gone well. Kesmy passed his business math test (after seeing the business math and how it's done, no wonder the gov't is having to bail out Wall Street), and Myberson is learning to factor polynomials. do you know what it is like to have had your last algebra class.... 30+ years ago (that's close enough!) and have a student ask how to factor? It seems these things are coming back pretty quickly. I'll actually be smarter when I come back than when I left. (I know, that shouldn't be that hard). :) I have a wonderful book I am reading called Brother Lawrence, about a Carmelite Brother in France in the 1600's, whose life is detailed to some degree and how he lived. totally depended on God in everything he did. I am learning SOME of his idea's and the first week has gone well. EXCEPT of course for my physical ailment. For 10 points,does anyone know what a Haitian sinus infection feels like????? Anyone?????? don't be afraid, just shoot those hands up....... no one I see. Well, it feels just like an American sinus infection. it has come on the last few days and I am glad to have some time to get over it. Gary has some antibiotics and I have been taking them along with ibuprophen, so I am feeling better. still working on pic's and link's......at least I WILL work on pic's and link's when my head feels better. bye for now.

a cool front moved thru last night...it only got up to 96 today. the humidity is....high. and the sweat factor is........higher. do you know that in Creole sweat is pronounced......S..W...E...A...T? I learned that quickly. the first week of school has gone quickly, the kids are doing well. I have a good group who are motivated compared to most Haitian school groups. We are still PRAYING that the bridge in Mountrois (mowee) is fixed so we can get to Port and get supplies AND MY BOXES WITH ALL MY CLOTHES IN THEM. having to wash underwear everyday is a drag. :) the requests for help still come in. We saw a 4-5 year old boy today whose left leg and hip were crushed by a tree as they tried to escape the roof of the house they were stranded on. He had a cast from his waist to his toe. We only hope it was set correctly prior to the casting. people whom have apparently never asked for help before are asking. it is depressing but at the same time we get to see and meet people and just get to let them know someone at least cares. My Creole is coming along slowly, but I am getting the hang of some of it. hopefully when I can talk somewhat with the locals I can get out more and share things with them. that's all for now, I will have links to my home church and this ministry for those who want to contribute when I can figure out how to do it. :) bye for now.

Finally!

Well, I'm here. Actually I have been here since Wednesday, Sept 3, but I am just now starting to blog. it's a long story.......

the day I was to fly in to Haiti, Hurricane Hanna was sitting on top of Haiti and had no mind to move, so my flight was cancelled. At the airport I met Nancy, another missionary going to Haiti. this was in Miami. AFter finally meeting up with Gary and Caroline Walker, the people with whom I will be staying and working, we all decided to share a room that night waiting to find out what to do. I had been told that I could not fly out till Saturday....5 days. :( G&C were told not to bother trying to reschedule at that time. SO, we got a room and talked about how bad it was going. We dined at a local Citgo, the best in fine dining. It had a cafeteria style section that served Cuban sandwiches....actually pretty good! that night as we discussed options we called one last time to the airline and.....they had seats on a flight the next day. Someday I want to work for an airline.....or not? so we all made our flights next day and Nancy went on her way to Jerime in the southern pennisula of Haiti and we started off to St. Marc.

the roads are the worst I have ever seen, the ride was very rough. on the way we saw considerable devastation of destroyed crops, roads, bridges, homes. There even was a dead body on the side of the road. the flooding was terrible and the water ran very fast for many days after this initial trip. Once we got to St. Marc, it was dark, we had just enough power from city power to run fans, and we had no food or water. PARTY ON!! there was considerable cleaning to do from 3 months of emptiness in the house and a week of storms. that night was late and busy. The next day we continued to clean, the local staff people showed up and all pitched in to help. It didn't take but a few days to get the mission up and running and no sooner had it been up than people started showing up asking for help. We have done what we can with food and money to help, but the need is overwhelming and resources are limited. One of the workers in the school, Samuel, is a local pastor and influential in the pastoral community. He has taken charge of organizing the relief effort so we have funnelled funds thru him.

The bridge we crossed at Mountrois was damaged by the flooding just literallly hours after we crossed it and was closed. it has cut us off from Port au Prince to the extent that we have had to get rides on the southern side of the bridge to get town. Neither the school books, nor my CLOTHES, BOOKS, or other important things are here yet. Glad I saved some clothes to take with me on the flight!!! I have met many wonderful people and am veeerrrryyyyy slowwwllyyy starting to get some Creole under my belt. The locals are patient though and that helps. SO school has started and my class has 5 students so far. they are Sophonie, a freshman in hs; Pony, a young man still learning English who is not as advanced as others yet; James, also still learning English some but doing better every day; Myberson, who was raised in the States, wants to go to Tulane and play football and is trying to graduate this year; and Kesmy, whom many of you will know. Kesme is on track to graduate this year, he is working very hard and plans on going to Bible college in Chicago afterwards. Kesme lost both arms in an accident years ago and has overcome MUCH to get where he is.

So, that in a nutshell is where I am for now. the WHY'S will wait for another post, as I am typed out. for friends and family, love to all, for other readers who happen across this, hope you return. I think the story will get better as it goes. bye for now.