Oct 28, 2008

received some potentially good news today. I have already been offered a summer job for next year...at the VA where I worked before! received an e mail from Julie the new chief of audiology who says she has talked with the ent/audiology supervisor and they both would agree to offer me summer work as an audiologist next year. a wonderful blessing for me, as I won't have to fret over what to do next summer or how to pay bills or..you know, all the money things. I think that calls for a celebration of sorts. I will be breaking out the Oreo's here. (YES, Oreo's are available in Haiti, even DOUBLE STUFF'S!!!!!) it will be a night to remember I'm sure. :) prayers and blessings to everyone, just wanted to share that, it was a real encouragement and frankly I kind of needed one. bye for now

Oct 25,2008

It occurs to me as I have been here for a less brief period, that Haiti is a vertical country. The very name "Haiti" means mountain, or something close to it. When I was at Canaan, the answer to where someone or something was always was either "up" or "down". Up the mountain or down the mountain, sideways didn't enter the equation. "Over there" was a rare occurrence, especially since if they said it, I would not have understood it anyway, so I may be taking some literary license here. But the idea is that the country appears to me to be a vertical kind of place.

The view from the rooftop looking down to the bay provides a small sample. The houses spread out below to a rather beautiful view, almost idyllic if you don't look closely at the details of life. However if you turn around, you get s sample of "up" here. (Forgive the stupidity of the photog who waited till almost dark to take these. He has been severely chastised.)

There are far more views I wish I had pictures of to share to demonstrate this, but suffice for now that this is what I perceive as the Haitian experience. Either "up" or "down". Jessica, one of the other missionaries here, told me when I discussed this with her that the language kind of goees that way also. She notices so many times people ask for "a little" of this or that, I would think based on the fact there isn't much of it to start with, whatever it is.

A paradox here is that those who live "up" as in the picture are in fact part of the "down" crowd. Those houses are really high and EVERYTHING is carried there, including water, food and fuel. It is a very hard life. Conversely, Gary told me that much of the rice land here was bought by the "bourgeious" land owners so they......could let it lay there. The UP's financially buy land to let it do nothing? So how did these folks come to own most of Haiti? Because they realized they could import rice and make more money doing that as opposed to having local rice production. So they get rid of any possible competition that could drive down prices. (and speaking non business wise, also feed so many more people). I have a real problem with that in a nation with so many who lack so much basic to life. It seems so imperious but I guess that is the way of the "UP's"(not where they live but what they have. I know it is very confusing) as I may choose to label them. I guess I can't single them out, as it appears so many of those "UP's" in the US do the same, only far more efficiently. With local production, things happen like jobs. A good thing I would think in a country like this, but I digress. So the microcosm of those who have.."UP".. versus those who don't.."DOWN".. seems appropriate to me. There appears to be very little "middle" here. In Port there appears to be some of what we Yankees would call "middle class". but away from there, and I admit my experience is limited but I will go with it for now, there appears to be little "middle" here. And those who strive for it usually fail, as far as I can see. There are some business owners who do well, but most are day to day, or at most week to week. Even the workers for the school here struggle. They are paid good wages compared to most here but getting by is very hard. The paradox I have been told is that if you pay significantly more than the locals feel a job is worth, then it is very hard to get them to work at it. Kind of self defeating for those who might aspire to be "middle" it seems. So it appears one of my first impressions will be one of the best I have here. The more I learn about Haiti, the less I know it, or at least understand it. For those of you who read this are think I have lost my mind, I will find it difficult to argue the point. Hopefully I have confused you more. If so, then I can say my work is done for today! bye for now.

Oct 23, 2008

well, the humidity has been about 90% for probably the last 3 weeks. with daytime temps in the mid 90's, the "feel like index" has to be somewhere around 3 or 4 million degrees. on the internet it says it is usually around 105 during the day, but I feel they underestimate this. I am looking for a cooler place to spend a few days to recover...like the planet Mercury. I thought I was adjusting well to the heat, as others c/o it's effects while I trooped on. But it has caught up with me the last few days and I AM TIRED OF SWEATING 24 HOURS A DAY. on the up side, I am losing weight....of course I AM passing out several times a day from lack of fluids, but I am sure it will work itself out eventually. :)

above is a picture of my students. Left to right are Myberson, Kesmy, Sophonie, James, Kennson, and Pony. they are a pretty good bunch of students really. James and Pony are 19-20 years old and are pushing thru school after being in Haitian schools earlier in life. James was in Haitian schools up till last year, and it shows. Haitian schools primarily focus-from what everyone tells me-on memorizing answers to tests so you can pass, whether you learn the material or not. It shows on so many of these kids who start here mid way or later in their education. Myberson is planning on moving back to the states next year to finish high school in New Jersey where his family lives, and then going on to Tulane University in New Orleans. He is a bright guy and I don't doubt he can do it. Kesmy, many of you know. He is trying to get to the states next year to start Bible college. His English is still an issue but he is improving. Sophonie is steady. She works day by day, gets stuff done w/o dazzling but is bright and wants to be a mother and wife. She usually has a "posse" of smaller girls around her all the time, as she is the lone older girl in school, she is 15. Kennson started late this year, he came from the states under trying circumstances and has struggled some to find his place here. He is starting to find it though, as he played soccer with the other kids today on the 20 foot playground they have for the first time today. Pony lost his right leg several years ago and now has a prosthetic leg. He does fair with it, but it will limit him as far as any physical labor here, which is the majority of available jobs. He has improved significantly this year in his math, and after initially saying he wanted to be a doctor (a brief conversation about the 10 years or so of college and internship's may have had something to do with that) he now wants to be an accountant, for which he has some possibilities. so there is the crew, I pray I just don't mess things up with them.

footnote: please pray for Nancy and the kids from her school, a school in SW Haiti that is having a spate of seizures with kids. Very unusual seizures that don't fit any medical profile that anyone here is finding. some may understand. These kids need prayer, significant prayer. thanks in advance for those who do. bye for now.

Oct 21, 2008

got some very good news today. one of the h aid companies I worked with while in the VA is going to send me the necessary equipment and software to use my personal computer to adjust Carolines hearing aids I got her about a year ago. I guess you have to be an audiologist to appreciate this! I truly am very appreciative of this and I hope it will allow me to possibly follow some roads here to set up an audiology practice in the future. As far as I know I would be the first practicing audiologist in Haiti. I'll have to have an official t-shirt for the occasion, of course. suggestions are appreciated on how to design the shirt, as my artistic skills are......non existent! it made me happy so I just wanted to share. have a good day wherever you are. :)

Oct 20,2008

I have some pictures from the hurricane season, courtesty of Caroline. these were basically from late August to late Sept. the pic's kind of speak for themselves.

upper left is a woman and her children who lost everything when their house was swept away. the husband is out looking for food at this time, this is how they were living. Part of the hurricane relief money received by Gary/Caroline went to take care of this family. they received food, a place to stay (thru a years rent money) and the money to start a small business to take care of themselves. Gary and I talked about how different people do different things to help. Their idea, and I agree with it, is to take a few people and get them back on their feet, as opposed to feeding many for a short while. Upper right is a picture of the brother and nephew of one of the Haitian workers for the mission here, Pierre. His brothers home was destroyed in the flood of Gonaives and his son was badly injured when he was crushed by a tree when they were swept away with it. It is a real miracle they survived. The small boy had a crushed leg and broken pelvis and is still recovering. His father, Pierre's brother, is HIV positive and his outlook is not good. Care for HIV pt's here is available but they would rather forego care as opposed to admitting they have it. Pierre will likely have his nephew to take care of in the not to far off future.

Middle left is a picture of a house that had a tree fall on it. the tree was removed by machete over a long time. the family has others to care for them at least for awhile. Middle right is a picture of the bridge at Mountrois. If you notice the railing on the right it is straight. The railing on the left....isn't. The support for the bridge was swept away by flooding. A replacement military type bridge was constructed and is in place now. Unfortunately temporary replacements become permanent here. We pray they will fix (replace) the damaged bridge before next hurricane season. If not the temporary replacement will go in the next bad storm.

Bottom left is a house that was swept away by flood waters. The family (to my information) was swept away as the house collapsed and has not been found.

These things are typical of what happened nationwide during the hurricanes. They were repeated hundreds of times all over the country. Families are living with other members of their family over all the country. Displaced persons are everywhere. But, life goes on here. They don't let disaster or death keep them from looking for tomorrow. For many, that is all they look forward to.

I hope this helps put a face on some of the disasters that have happened here. Life is finding it's "even keel" here. It is more difficult, harder for many here, but Haitians keep on keepin' on. You have to admire them for it. They find a way. Maybe not the best, or perfect way. But a way. bye for now.

Monday Oct 13

Ok, time for my political post. some of you that know me know that at one time I was very political, researched issues, read everything I could get on candidates, etc. Well, I am past that addiction now. and thank God for it. I have read really very little at all of the articles about the election this year. I receive some e mails telling me about how bad the political climate is at home, the absolutism of both sides. It makes me wonder where the common purpose of America went to? We have so many problems, and really in my opinion no one is addressing them. I have come to the conclusion that politicians are not the answer, they are the problem. How long have we heard that THIS election is an election of CHANGE and after this we will live happily ever after....IF we vote for candidate A, B or C. This has been going on for decades and things don't get better. We are $10 trillion in debt with a political divide that rivals 3rd world gang warfare. My belief is that "policies" aren't the answer. Because let's face it, policies are designed to get votes to get re-elected. Maybe I am just older and cynical. Unless we come to a common purpose, and a common set of beliefs, grounded in our faith in God, America will not survive as the nation we have come to know. And I don't mean faith in God that we all get to live wonderful middle class lives, with $300,000 homes and 3 cars and boats. Or faith in God that it revolves around ME so I can sin in any way and it's ok, because I'm just fullfilling my destiny. I mean faith in God that we live a simple but comfortable life, spending our money wisely, putting God first in our lives and trusting Him. Jesus said that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all your heart and to love others as yourself. Maybe if we spent more time worrying about our neighbor and less about ourselves, we might find out that life works out pretty well after all. Since that is what I believe, and I have seen absolutely NO hope that either political party has a real clue, I have no interest in politics anymore. All we'll get is another politician. So, political messages concluded for the next 30 years or so. :)

Saturday, Oct 11

I haven't thought this out much, I am just shooting from the hip here, so if there are parts that don't make sense, please overlook that. (those that know me will understand). As I have been here for a little time now, I have thought and discussed with people about missions and the work here. I came with a focus on what I had specifically agreed to do here, teach in school even though I had never really taught before. My students I'm sure wish I had taught somewhere before! But as I have relaxed a little and gotten used to the life and how things work here, I gain a wider focus. I look more at the people and the culture and myself and my culture and my beliefs. I do not question my beliefs about Jesus and God, this life even more so reinforces those thoughts. What I begin to question is how I interpreted them from my middle American lifestyle and, again, culture.

Having been here several times previously, I learn a little more each time about myself and others. The Haitian way is often completely at odds with what I see as common sense. As I gain my wider focus, I can see that some of that is probably my own biases about what I expect out of life. I also see that some of it is because Haitian ways are, at times, contradictory and self defeating. Haiti is not a perfect country and I do not fall into the group that see's all people groups as honorable and perfect. If Haitian ways were that wonderful, then the country would not have the problems it has now. Despite what many will say, America has not caused all the problems in the world, most people cause the majority of their own problems. We have created our problems in America because of our own views and mistakes, and to think that Haiti has not done the same is not being honest. However I can see that some Haitian ways are challenging me in what I "believe" or expect of this process called life. As I came here I fully expected myself to change and I am. Maybe not fast enough for those who really know me!

As I said I have been here several times. Part of what I am learning is that my expectations for what God would have me do here has changed. In reading the book about Brother Lawrence (Practicing the Presence of God) he has a very interesting point. He said it isn't that God will judge you by how amazing your work is, just in how much you love when you do it. I am losing my "I need to fix stuff" attitude because I can't fix myself, let alone a nation. I am focusing on today and doing what is here as best I can, while trying dilligently to always make enough time for me to talk with God and to listen for answers. I am aware that my attitude of expectation limits what God can do with me and thru me. Brother Lawrence just did what he was called to do each day, and he tried to do it with as much love for God as he could, realizing he would fail at times and not being horrified when he did. He almost expected to fail and sin at times because he recognized sin as his own nature. As I do. So as I recognize more and more the lack of any outstanding accomplishment I can do for God (I am pretty sure He is ok w/o me) I become more able to not try to DO for Him as much as RELY on Him. I wonder how many short term missionaries (and I aware of more than a few) have come into a place and had THEIR idea's about what God needed them to do for Him, and never released themselves into God's grace or provision for the moment. In Matthew Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment and He answered to love the Lord your God with all your heart, AND to love your neighbor as yourself. In fact Jesus said that the WHOLE of the message of the book and the prophets was encompassed in this. Jesus linked the spiritual life of loving God with all your heart and seeking Him, with our earthly duties of loving our neighbor.

How we do that seems to be the crux of the matter. When we seperate the spiritual from the earthly we are unbalanced, im my opinion. Missions work to accomplish goals w/o total reliance on God, and willingness to follow a new plan He may give, is useless both for ourselves and the people we seek to "help", i.e., make more like us. And how do we honor God when we seek Him at the cost of refusing to accept, or limiting our lives in the physical world which God gave us? Again, it seems I am left at "getting over myself" and seeing that the people around me are an extension of God. not that they are perfect, as I am certainly not and Brother Lawrence recognized only too well. But the people God has put in front of us are there FOR A REASON, I firmly believe. whether it is to help, or lift up, or be brutally honest with ( in love again) depends. I hope that I can do some good w/o damaging the work that has been already accomplished before me. Because if Ido that , then how do am I putting God first, or loving my neighbor? I wish God would give me shorter thoughts, my fingers can't keep with this! something along the lines of my hair length would be appreciated Lord. :) bye for now.

Oct 9, 2008

went to Port yesterday and ALL MY STUFF WAS THERE!!!!! happy days here. I took most of my clothes and threw them into the laundry so I can wear REALLY clean clothes for awhile. I have so much stuff here now, I feel like I will have to permanently live here in order to justify the wait for all of it. while in Port one of the other missionaries, who is (along with his wife Bev) starting up the orphanage Touch Ministries is running had to get paint. So while Al is paint shopping in Port his salesperson starts talking with us. (paint is being mixed at this time). His name is Patrick Pierre. His cousin in Juan Pierre, major league baseball player. He went to high school in......Edwardsville, Ill. He played baseball there, graduated in '88 I believe, just before Tom Pile became their head coach and they dominated Ill high school baseball in southern Ill for 20 years. we had this long talk about Edwardsville and Collinsville and the rivalry, or, lack of a rivalry (Edw ALWAYS won...at pretty much everything) he laughed about that. really is a small world isn't it? he wound up spending 6 yrs in the Marines, married a Haitian woman and moved back to Haiti. Al and I had some time while Gary and Caroline were working at Agape so we went for a walk in downtown Port., just a few blocks or so. got a lot of looks, as you can imagine. but it was fun. it is becoming more and more comfortable (language dependent) being here. maybe I am just "up" today due to clean underwear, :) but it is feeling more natural. the change from a "career" to a mission worker, at least for me, has been surprisingly "unbumpy" if that explains it. the usual Haiti stuff, but I have been here and it really doesn't faze me much anymore. although we had a conversation (Caroline and myself mostly) while Gary helped Al shop for paint. they are going to arrange for me to meet the ent doc here, a woman doc from France who works in Port. it may work out that I can continue working in audiology here for her or with her or..... if so, then I may be able to support myself indefinitely here doing some audiology work. we'll see, but it is kind of exciting. whuda thought things would work out this way? (probably a God thing, dontcha think?) :) we'll see. got to get ready for school this morning, so this is all, bye for now.

Oct 7, 2008

the more I learn about Haiti, it's culture and people, the less I know about it. It seems I had this small box of acceptable understandings about Haiti. and as I learn more, the box expands in random directions...exponentially to what I learn. so therefore the more I learn, the less I know, the farther I am from "understanding" which I have been assured will never happen fully. People are so selfish, yet so giving, depending on the circumstances. I guess that is like many people. People can be so friendly, yet I am told they can turn on you in a second. I learned of a Haitian proverb, from Tara Livesay and her blog. it says "people don't trust people since Guinea". the meaning is that the people know that they were sold into slavery by the ancestors in Africa. so they trust no one. and the lack of trust is so destructive. the issues pertain to local, smaller matters also. one of my students has serious difficulty doing basic math. such as "2/3 of a minute is given to a particular excercise. how much of the minute is left?" and I explain it 9 different ways, covering every conceivable (to me) option to help him understand. and maybe it will come and maybe it won't. this student is almost 20 years old. I wonder how I can do him any good, yet I am encouraged to keep trying and maybe that is the answer. keep going regardless of the outcomes, as the outcome is really in God's hands anyway isn't it? if you know you are here for a reason, just keep going. maybe the trust issue is my own. dontcha really hate it when it comes around back to you??? :) I guess the real change I will engeder here is probably my own, kind of like worship, does it benefit me or God? well if God could be benefitted by my worship, then He was lacking something before and that is a scary thought. so I guess I benefit by growing closer to God and losing some of myself. as I work here I guess I have to forget what "good" I may do for others as I will likely do little. but the "good" done to me may be substantial, as I learn and grow and give up control of my life.

we are going to Port tomorrow, hopefully for an eventful day. the trip is really bad so I hope something good comes of it. about 5-6 hours of really bad roads there and back. but I may come back with more clothes!!!! and goodies from the Caribbean store!!! worth the effort, I say. I am getting used to the rice and beans here, but a little variety does WONDERS for morale. who knew junk food has such power?? looking out from the balcony here, it is still strange to see people just pee anywhere. they will usually go to the side of the road, but still! and it's not just men! that's what I mean about the more I learn the less I know. good think I was a single guy so long, at least I am used to....single guy stuff. we are used to most things that gross out regular people. Hail single guys!!! :) If my posts seem repetitive, it probably means I am stuck on somethin and just have not found the right words to clear it out of my head. suggestions are welcomed. for instance if anyone wants to know what eating goat at a Haitian restaraunt is like, I can detail the experience for you. things like that. feel free to suggest a post, I am sure it would probably be more interesting that what I can come up with. everyone have a good day, bye for now.

What a day!

well, let's begin with asking everyone to pray for Troy Livesay, who apparently (again) has dengue fever. Troy is a missionary in Port, and he Tara and their 7 kids.....really.....need prayer that Troy recovers and no one else get's sick.

the day started early enough as late last night thunder and lightning rolled in..for at least an hour before it started raining. and it rained hard. and apparently it had rained hard in mountains before the rain got here. we got up early...minus Jessica who is sick...and headed to Mountrois. Gary and Caroline run a Bible class there. we picked up Kevin and Evesner, and another Haitian I don't know to take to the class. on the way I was dropped off at Canaan to visit and see Sister Gladys about getting Ismael to the states. as I was walking up the road to Canaan, I caught up with a Haitian who looked at me and kind of smiled. I smiled back and said "Canaan" and he said "Wi, Canaan" as he pointed back to himself. He then said several words to me and smiled, expecting a response. I answered "pale piti Creole", meaning I speak little Creole. He smiled and walked awhile before looking at me and asking "are you an American?" I looked back and said yes, Iwas and asked him if he "pale Anglais?" to which he replied "no". so we walked in silence for awhile before he pointed to me and make a questioning face. I said "Daniel" to which he pointed to him self and said "Corvan". so I met Corvan today. once we got to the top of the hill, Iaskedfor Sister Gladys and he went off to find her. I saw Pastor Henry and he came over and greeted me along with Pastor Joel. we smiled and talked and they offered me coffee which I accepted. they did some work as I sat with Corvan. Henry came back and we discussed the school,visa's and kids. saw the missionaries who are there currently and had a good conversation. then saw some of the kids. for those of you who have been there, I saw Wesch, who was this little tiny kid before. he is not big now, but he is a lot bigger. and for awhile Wesch had lost his smile. well, he has it back and it was wonderful to see. saw Tamara who is all grown up now, we hugged and she said she is going very well in school. overall a wonderful visit and I plan to go back soon.

the ride back was as bad as the ride there. the rains last night flooded the main road in many places and mud was a foot deep or more in places. more river and steam banks were washed out and more bridges are in more danger. I can't believe where Haiti is infrastructure wise. the bridge leaving St. Marc going south is being washed out. trucks are tipping over as the sides of the roads are washed out. more homes are gone. a tractor trailer that was upstream is sitting on the side of the road in one place. it is hard to not see more devastation if another hard rain comes before dry season. then the race is to see if there is enough time, money or planning to repair some of the damage before next year. we'll see.

as we returned Barb, Bev and Al took us to a restaraunt for dinner. it is the same one where Jen almost got run over by a taxi driver. had the goat and it was not bad today. :) really. so that has been my day so far. thunder and lightning, storms washing out more roads and homes. visiting Canaan and seeing old friends and seeing kids growing up before my eyes. topped off by a goat lunch. just can't beat a day like that, can you? If the day get's better, be sure I'll let you know! again please pray for Troy as from what I know dengue fever is very difficult to get thru. bye for now.

ps. I am going to beat Caroline into giving me pic's to post. she agreed in total fear of me...... well maybe she is just being nice!

Oct 3

have reached kind of a turning point in school for myself. I have become more comfortable about being a teacher and understanding why I am here. a few incidents inthe last few days have shown me the need for myself to become more agressive about what I am doing. for those who know Kesmy, I think my relationship with him previously had actually been a hindrance. I was trying to be his friend instead of his teacher. I tried to like the kids instead of being a teacher. I will still be friendly, but I realize I am here towards a purpose. Kesmy and Myberson seek to go to college and frankly neither are ready. so to at least one of the purposes I am here, after a discussion with Gary, I decided today to get hard with the kids. or at least harder than I have been. they know they have standards to live up to, and I won't accept less. I feel better about school now. I want these kids to succeed and I have to do what I have to do to achieve this. on another front, during the Bible teaching today with the younger kids, I had a chance to pray for healing for Gladimir, one of the cutest kids you would ever see. He has been at school the last two days with a fever. I prayed for him before the teaching and after I checked his forehead and he did seem noticeably cooler. Praise God for that! I just seem more focused now for whatever reason and I am more at peace because of it. I realize that these kids have come from Haitian schools where they teach, literally, shortcuts and doing the least possible just to pass the test. yes, that is how Haitian schools are operated, that is the philosophy of education here. they are so handicapped in their thinking skills it is amazing. word problems are like Sanskrit to them, an unknown language. breaking thru this to get reasoning skills going is difficult at best. so I will push them. I guess I always wanted to be an Army drill seargant...w/o having to join the Army!! :)

have been considering coming home at Christmas, having problems getting flights to fit together at a decent price. something else to put into God's hands. I know things work out for reasons so I will not fret about it. We are all hoping it works out for Jessica to return after the first of the year. she is such a help with the younger kids as she can speak Creole to them when they don't understand. (I am just afraid they will give me that class!) so here's praying Jessica comes back. everyday, it seems I understand a little more about the culture and the people. it is difficult at times to accept what you hear. one of the superstitions is that a woman can be pregnant for 2-4 years. the baby is in her but it has a "hold" on it. this is a voodoo superstition. and I find out that there are staff here who believe it! There is so much downright lack of knowledge about things here that it is easy for superstitions like this to take hold. anything that could be explained in a way that would give someone power over someone else is fair game. it is difficult at times to distinguish between respect for people and culture and the need to just say that things are just WRONG! these superstitions cause such problems, especially about health matters. people get sick die because they believe toothpaste has miracle powers, or going to a real doctor before you see the witch doctor is very back luck. those are the types of things that you run into..... focus.... do the job in front of you and leave the rest to God. oh well, another day. pray everyone is well at home. bye for now

Filling in the blanks

for JEN, who asks lots of questions others maybe haven't. the work here started out as teaching some math and science to high school kids. well, it has morphed from that. it turns out I teach a whole range of things I know nothing about! we have regular math, algebra, geometry, science, english, word building (vocabulary work) AND I teach a Friday morning Bible class for a group of 10 year olds. approximately 10 yrs old. sometimes the lines blur and you have a larger group than what you planned. I also help run the generator in the house, (we all like electricity. electricity is our friend....fan's at night, you know). I monitor the water supply on the roof and run the pump to keep the tanks on top of the house full. and keep the diesel can's full so we can fill the generator when it needs it. I am learning things about electricity and generators and inverters I never knew before....or thought I wanted to know. :) living here is not so bad. there are limits obviously, you can't run down and get a burger, or pick up something at any particular Mart. But I have my music, internet off and on, and a few books. I HOPE to have the rest of my clothes and things next week. by now I have gotten so used to just a few things I won't know what to do with multiple pairs of shorts, or other shoes to wear instead of my crocs. (thank God for the croc's, if these had been regular sandals my feet would have fallen off by now!) My Creole is coming slowly. I learn a few words here and there, having a chance to apply it is more difficult as we speak English in the house.
My kids are older, not as cuddly but I see where they want to go with their lives. Myberson and Kesmy want to go to college and I am pushing them to improve their work. Sophonie wants to be a mom and loves little kids, she wants to be a homemaker so I don't push the higher math type skills as much with her. Pony and James are kids who are older, around 20, who haven't had a chance for education and are trying to catch up. for them it is more difficult but they try hard and don't quit. the smaller kids downstairs are highly cute. just little kids living their lives, having fun in school and learning English from the "blans". I see more about their lives than the kids themselves, if that makes sense. I want them all to succeed, to not wind up on the streets as so many do here. prostitutes, beggars, swindlers just trying to get by. I desperately don't want that for any of the kids here, but I can only effect the ones in school very much. Seeing them grow up makes me miss my own kids more, and miss the teen's at church. I wish I could open heads and pour in wisdom, but what parent hasn't hoped that? I have kept my thinking, as much as possible, to a day at a time. I have no idea where I'll be 9 months from now. whether I'll be back here next year, or home searching for work I don't know. I just know I am supposed to be here today, and tomorrow will take care of itself. I guess the hardest thing is not having the family and friends around you regularly talk to. It does leave a void that is hard for others to fill. But I read somewhere that God will provide the means for those He call's. So I guess I'll trust Him for another day. sounds like a good plan. this Saturday I will be (hopefully) visiting Canaan to discuss Ismael's coming to America. we'll see how that goes, those who know the deal on it please pray it works out well. It is in God's hands, as always. Jen, I'll e mail you about the other stuff. good night to everyone, I pray all are well.