Sunday, March 29, 2009

As I have gone thru this walk here in Haiti this year so far, I have learned so much about other people, and about myself. It appears to me that separation from those things that I have valued most in my life has led me to a different place in my relationship with God. Here in Haiti there is work to do, and little social interaction with others, at least so far in this walk. The missionary meetings are good, and the occasional excursion to do things necessary is a welcome diversion.

However there is much "down" time to think, and I think that is where I have been for awhile now. I have always been sort of a loner, but this is the most extensive period of separation from the world I have ever had. Granted I am writing this on a computer hooked to the internet, so I am not totally isolated, but you get the idea. During this time there have obviously been up times and down times, but in all of them God is there. He has led me to a point of wanting to study discipleship and finding out what it is to really get over myself...or at least a lot more than I had in the past. This period of "silence" for lack of another word, has led me to new places, wanting new things, different things in my life. I want more of God in my life.

Now before anyone goes off and thinks something super spiritual about this, know that I am also more than a bit scared of this. I know that when Jesus was here on earth He gave us a model of how to live and love....and He did it in relationship with the sinners and poorest of the poor. This to some degree upsets my Western comfort sensibilities. I like the internet.....and music.....and the grocery store. :) But it seems that maybe God will replace those things..in the degree they are lost...with something new, different, maybe even better.

In reading a book on Mother Teresa, she said something that kind of sticks with me. It seems that in working with the poor, her outlook was not just that we are there to solve all the problems, but to just be with them in their poverty and suffering. Jesus healed and did miracles...but He didn't solve poverty did He? That has always been sort of a sticking point to me, but I am beginning to understand it....some. It seems that in my search here, the sources I have to study talk of not just solving problems, but living in community with others, which seems to be just what Jesus did. He didn't just take the weight of sin and say "See? All gone!". He lived in community with the poor, sinners, thieves, prostitutes and gave them hope. When I think of Him bearing my sin, I understand it a different way now. He didn't just take it away....He lived in it with me.

The conversations that go on in the missionary field cover so many topics, ranging from money to malaria to diarrhea. Fun stuff. I have been looking for solutions for problems and that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I am beginning to think that just being part of the community of people and sharing your faith and your love every lousy day is worth far more than handing out a few bucks. The hope of the disciples was wound up in the presence of Jesus, not His checkbook of miracles. Maybe He wants us to be His presence in the world of pain and suffering, giving hope and love to those who need it most. Maybe He wants us to live like He did and depend on Him to provide our most basic needs while we provide the most basic needs of others.. hope and love and community. I will ponder this for awhile, let God take me where He will, and share as it develops. It sounds like "breaking news.....", while in truth it is the oldest plan in the world. God wants to live with us, and now He wants us to live with those who need Him for Him. Maybe there is a whole new place there, a whole new world to see in those faces of people who suffer. A better place. Scary stuff for me, although I am pretty sure God can handle my fears. "updates as more information becomes available.....". :)

Djebenis tout moun. Really.

Saturday March 28, 2009

See the truck in the background behind our vehicle? This is a truck that broke down in the road, the main highway from north to south, as it goes thru St. Marc. It broke down right in the middle of the road, with no effort to get it out of the way before parking it, about 2 weeks ago. And periodically someone comes to work on it, it looks like it will be fixed in another week or so. So it sits right in the middle of the road, all traffic diverting around it, for weeks. Just an insight to living in Haiti. :)

As this is my first year (so far) doing this type of ministry there are several milestones along the way you hit. Yesterday Caroline left for the month to teach in Chicago..and along with her went my TAX RETURNS to be mailed!!! My first missionary tax returns......I think I figured it so that I got about $328,000 back on my return. Hmm, that seems a bit high considering I made only a fraction of that, but math is math so it must be right.....right? Well, I' m sure Uncle Sam will just look at it as another bailout or stimulus check going thru the system, so I'm pretty sure I'm set for a long time. Either here or in a nice comfy federal building somewhere where the architect liked to put bars on the windows for some reason. OH WELL, it should all work out. :)

The kids are jazzed about finishing the 3rd quarter and heading into the home stretch of school. They get out of hand a little at times and you have to get them in line to get any work done. Yesterday one of the "rowdier" students, a teen age young man, requested that one of the teachers "shut up" twice as he was giving him an interpretation of the break time period the young man didn't agree with. Gary was gone, so the staff brings those to me then. We discussed it, he denied it but the secretary and others all said that his explanation didn't hold water; he claimed to say something different but they all agreed there is nothing different he could have said. So, he went home for the rest of the day, and likely part of next week. I have learned that if one kid get's away with anything, they all claim the privelege so it had to be stopped. The kids here need.....really need...... a firm hand on them. They don't have much self discipline on their own. I guess that is endemic world wide for kids and teenagers, and having not had to deal with it as much in the states (yes, the kids here are worse than the youth group in church!) it seems newer to me. The good side is that once you draw those bright lines and they know not to cross, it works fairly well. There are many bright kids here, some not so much but all can learn when they apply themselves. I think I may right a teaching book based on my vast experience now and change the world. Let me think about that one for awhile first ok?

A recent post from Tara Livesay made a lot of sense to me. Tara basically talked about the fact no one can do everything, even though everyone else assumes you can. She gets monthly appeals to save the baby seals, the oceans, the lakes the birds, rivers, kids all over the world, clean the near orbit of earth of space junk, sign petitions to make waffle irons safer to use, etc.. Amazingly, Tara concluded that while these are all good things *especially the waffle iron thing* they are not all things she is called to do. So eventually you decline the offer and move on, and you are forever condemmed to the off chance of being blamed for all the future waffle iron accidents on earth. God forbid that someone recovering from a waffle iron accident be hit by junk falling from space, you're life would be over.

So Tara concluded that she wants to stay focused on what is in front of her....those things and people that God has put in front of her, not everyone else on earth with an internet connection. So she focuses on her family, her daily time with God (even if only crying out for help with the kids!) and those things that touch her heart that she works on regularly. The other things are all good, but they are for someone else. This thought process helps me stay focused on what I can.....and can't.....do here and at home. Limiting the flow in front of me is a good thing. Much like focusing your vision on God and relating with Him helps you see Him more clearly, focusing on those things He wants you to do helps you do them better. Like love your family.......pray regularly......support yourself and those you can help. AFter that, the priorities start fading out a lot for me. Well, I feel better blogging about it....I'll e mail a few more friends and let them know about this.....then I"ll check about 30 more net sites.....then exercise and work on school stuff.....then probably take a nap. Hmmmmm.........maybe I'll just take a nap. :)

Djebenis tout moun

Wednesday March 25, 2009

you may have noticed a couple of improvements in the blog. I am quite proud of myself for having become an internet master of blogging. I struggled to learn code and tricks to do all the neat things you see now, like those links on the side of the page for Haiti news. you have no idea how technical it is to do those....you have to tell the blog you want to change it....then find that gadget button and push it......the pick one....then give it a name and push save. I know some of the other real techie bloggers will be mad at me for giving out so many secrets of blogging, but I just can't help myself. I figure in another 7 months I might figure out some more neat stuff too, so if I get really good, I may have to charge for this free stuff I am giving out now. Oh, and don't worry that the news gadget for "haiti weather" has a lot of news in it. just a technical glitch.......somewhere.......this button thingy didn't save right, I think......or something like that. I'll have that fixed in no time at all.

Really........STOP LAUGHING AT ME......really........really.......really. :)

I still can't figure out how to send a video home, that will require hands on training. sorry, Wayne. but things are generally going well, so it's time to get ready for school today, will send more secret techie stuff later.....did you know these things have an off button?? :)

Djebenis tout moun!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Well, plans change sometimes...for the better. I did not wind up going up the mountain with Diana and Delson. In fact, Delson did not go either, Diana went with Celecia, a local Haitian woman interpreter. It seems they did not have accomodations for men and women to stay so the guys stayed home. Diana said she had a good stay, though w/o much sleep. It seems that listening to the rats, cats, dogs, chickens, goats, pigs, sheep, and other local celebrities make it a bit difficult to snooze.

The upside is I was available to go to Canaan to take a couple of young kids to the Medical Mamba program. Peter went and is doing fabulously, thank you. He gained an entire KILO more than their goal in ONE week! (cheers and applause are appropriate here) He has become a regular kid when at first I saw him my thought was that he would be dead in 10 days. PRAISE GOD!!! We brought his brother Mitu with him, a really adorable kid who jabbers and smiles even though he apparently has no stature in the family and is pretty much ignored. He did not qualify for the program, but in a way that is good. Though he is small for his age (4) he is pretty healthy. AND I saw Troy Livesay at the clinic! He snuck up behind me and was whispering my name. I couldn't find where it was coming from and he walked in. It was very cool to see him again, even though we only had about 5 minutes to talk. He was coming up to visit the program to find out about the admin details of handling a clinic for medical mamba. No pic's, didn't expect to see any superstars while I was there so I neglected to bring my camera!

It seems that I am drawn into more contact with the small kids and I do ok with it. I like the little ones, they are open and loving and so in need. Maybe that will be my ultimate direction here, but it is far too early to tell that. All in all a pretty good day, and the clock ticks....... towards my return....and sooner.....my TAXES. :( I'll get them done....sometime.

Djebenis tout moun

Saturday March 21, 2009

The last week has been pretty busy with the medical team in here. Mary, Diana and Alicia have been all over the place helping people and it's been fun to help a little. Mary is a doctor from West Virginia, Diana is a nurse and Alicia is her daughter. They came in last Friday, and Saturday they went out into the local community of McDonal to see patients, including some very sick kids and a man who died 2-3 days later of liver failure. We found Peterson during this trip, and his story is the previous post. Sunday was mission meeting, Monday was more clinic in Mountrois, Tuesday was working at a church very near City Soleil, Wednesday/Thursday was in mountain villages. Friday they came to school for awhile to see the kids and then did a small amount of shopping in the local market, and today Mary and Alicia went back to the States. Diana is staying another week, then she and Caroline will leave together to go back.

Seeing people in so many sites is very taxing for the team, it involves travel on very bad roads, in some cases a few hours of walking to get where they are going, once the road ends. They did great. I was not in on all of it, as school is still in session so SOMEBODY has to actually teach some! It is amazing what you see though. So many people have such advanced cases of things that in the States would have been caught very early and not been any kind of big deal. One poor man has a...something...growing out of his neck. He can't talk and probably will die from it unless he gets help. Dr. Mary didn't know what it was, but she took pictures and will consult as soon as she is back to see if other doc's can identify it for treatment. It very well may be a very treatable form of something that just didn't get treated.

Next week Diana, myself and Delson, the interpreter, will go up a mountain for an overnight stay at a village. This is apparently very remote and they almost never get visitors, let alone medical care. Diana will do what she can with the medicine she has. It makes me want to have a billion dollars or so to set up medical clinics all over the place, not just Haiti. Poor people...I mean, really poor people, have so little access to what we take for granted in the States. There is no grocery store down the street; there is no clinic or doctor office or emergency room available, and even if there was, likely no road going to it. I have come to know that the US is not the norm, it is by far the exception. The rest of the world does NOT live like we do, which is why so many want to come to the US. We've done such a poor job with the riches God has entrusted us with, think what kind of very comfortable lives we could have had without the greed and laziness, and what we could have done for the rest of the world. Don't get me wrong, I love being an American, but part of it is being able to look in the mirror and see where we've messed up. The US has done more for others than anyone...but we could have done so much more. Seems like a heart issue.....again. Time is flying, school ends in 10 weeks, I can't believe it. Ten weeks from today I will be packing for a trip home for summer. Maybe I'll even have my taxes in by then. :(

There is so much to say and I just don't have the words for it all. I can't explain the times when I just want to scream...and those times when you find a Peterson and know why you're here. I hope this blog has helped someone have a better understanding of Haiti, missions, and more importantly, themselves. It's our hearts that have to change, we have to begin with ourselves and change that small part of the world. Some others will follow, most won't, but it's the call we all have.

Djebenis tout moun

Friday March 20,2009

Meet Peterson. He is a quiet young man, approximately 2 years old. About a week ago we met him as members of a medical team went thru McDonal treating patients. One of the leaders of the community alerted Barb, the "elder" local missionary (sorry Barb) about this young man. When we first saw him, I have to say I thought he would live for maybe 7/10 days and die. He could hardly hold his head up, and could only stand in one spot, w/o any life in his eyes or movement of limbs. We were told he had severe diarrhea and could not keep food in him. Sunday at missionary meeting we talked with Elsie and Bobbie, two missionaries at Canaan orphange that have been working with the Medical Mamba program, coincidently started by a pediatrician in St. Louis, Mo. It is a program to take kids who are highly at risk and nourish them back to health with "super charged peanut butter" (Mamba in Creole) so they have a fighting chance. Peterson, on the scale used to measure the need for intervention, was critical. It started on Tuesday, and by Friday he has more life and is eating food every 2 hours or so. He seemed to almost smile once when I was running my fingers up his belly. He will also just let people cuddle and love him, which unfortunately he received not at all from his family. The truth is we believe the family thought he would die anyway and just stopped feeding him. His mother saw him yesterday and, I am told, couldn't have cared less about him. She is a prostitute and has many issues. Peterson was often left in the "care" of his 4 year old brother....for the entire day or longer. The adults in many cases just don't care whether the kids live or die, at least for many in this community and others. Well, Peterson is starting to thrive, and he was officially offered a position in the orphanage by the entire staff tonight. He kind of smiled, so we took that as a yes!

Later as we were talking some, the conversation turned to "what do you do?" when a kid is dying? You do whatever you can with as much as you have. No one wants to think of the hundreds or thousands of other kids like him we can't save. It's too hard. Peterson, however, will live.

It was a very good day today.

Djebenis tout moun

March 15, 2009

I spent some time this morning trying to find some Christian blogs out there that would be interesting. Found a couple of particular blogs that seem promising, but I have to admit I was not overly impressed with the outlook of many. I guess that says more about me than them. It's kind of like Christian music for me, it is hard to find things that reallly make me think about my relationship with Jesus and how I live my life. There are many songs that are emotional and I am all for that, but there seems to be an almost total dearth of songs that really challenge people. Jason Upton does this, sings about real stuff and how we are with it, at least for me he does. Kind of like sermons in churches, it seems we like to make ourselves feel better and all and we don't want to offend anyone, but it is hard to find folks who will lay it on the line and call it like it is. Which brings me to my point: why are Christians afraid to think about and be challenged by what we say we believe?

It appears to me that the "Christian" church, or thought process or whatever you want to call it, has become, well, pretty worldly. We want Jesus to approve of what we want instead of trying to do the deep digging into our lives to see why we do what we do, and maybe find that place that will bring us to change in ourselves. Just like I want Jesus to approve of my point of view here, maybe I need to actually READ His word and seek HIM before I make proclamations about the state of the church. (Actually, I have and feel like I am on pretty safe ground here).

Living in Haiti, being on the mission field, I felt I would see the best the Christian church has to offer to the world. Alas, I find that, like me, the people here are.......people. They have the same quirks and such that I have, some not so bad......some maybe worse (at least I tell myself that so I feel better!) But it makes me think, because I didn't encounter what I thought I would, my expectations were not met......so I had to challenge myself. Maybe I expected too much......CHECK! Maybe I didn't do my homework about missions the way I should have......CHECK! Maybe the things I see are not so much a problem with everyone else (though I am pretty sure some of it is) as much as a challenge to me to root out what I really think about this Jesus guy and what He means to me. It seems to me that more and more that I am getting changed much more than those around me.

Which, in a roundabout way, is what I am talking about. It seems the church has lost much of it's ability to look at itself, for Christians to look at ourselves, and judge ourselves in relation to God's word and His Spirit. NO, I do not mean that our lives must be filled with works to earn our stripes. What I mean is that our lives should not be white washed coffins, looking good on the outside and filled with dead bones on the inside. It seems we are so into comfortable that we forget that God's spirit is an agent for change in our lives. We have accepted the saving part....."thank you God for saving me from my sins....now pardon me for missing church while I go play softball, or have a few drinks with my buddies.....again". And no, I do not mean that missing church anytime is a grievous sin. I think the point is not hard to get. We take the gift of forgiveness and live in it, instead of letting it be a starting point of growth. Try to talk about discipleship and you'll get a lot of rolling eyes and people changing subjects. We are already saved, right? Yes, but to whose purpose?

Big finish now. It seems we have taken the forgiveness God has offered us..and used it for our purposes instead of His purposes. It is easy for us to think of the past, and be grateful for the forgiveness of our past sins, or think of the future and how we will serve God someday.....but for today we seem to lack the ability (or fail to choose) to serve Him now. We fail to work out our salvation today....and I'm pretty sure we're suppose to, or else God wouldn't have put it in His word. SO, as soon as I have it worked out, I will let you know. Just in case someone else is working on it too, if you get there first, let me know, ok? :)

[the opinions offered here are often self serving and out of touch with the world, and many find them highly offensive. Thank you]

Djebenis tout moun