Sunday, March 29, 2009

As I have gone thru this walk here in Haiti this year so far, I have learned so much about other people, and about myself. It appears to me that separation from those things that I have valued most in my life has led me to a different place in my relationship with God. Here in Haiti there is work to do, and little social interaction with others, at least so far in this walk. The missionary meetings are good, and the occasional excursion to do things necessary is a welcome diversion.

However there is much "down" time to think, and I think that is where I have been for awhile now. I have always been sort of a loner, but this is the most extensive period of separation from the world I have ever had. Granted I am writing this on a computer hooked to the internet, so I am not totally isolated, but you get the idea. During this time there have obviously been up times and down times, but in all of them God is there. He has led me to a point of wanting to study discipleship and finding out what it is to really get over myself...or at least a lot more than I had in the past. This period of "silence" for lack of another word, has led me to new places, wanting new things, different things in my life. I want more of God in my life.

Now before anyone goes off and thinks something super spiritual about this, know that I am also more than a bit scared of this. I know that when Jesus was here on earth He gave us a model of how to live and love....and He did it in relationship with the sinners and poorest of the poor. This to some degree upsets my Western comfort sensibilities. I like the internet.....and music.....and the grocery store. :) But it seems that maybe God will replace those things..in the degree they are lost...with something new, different, maybe even better.

In reading a book on Mother Teresa, she said something that kind of sticks with me. It seems that in working with the poor, her outlook was not just that we are there to solve all the problems, but to just be with them in their poverty and suffering. Jesus healed and did miracles...but He didn't solve poverty did He? That has always been sort of a sticking point to me, but I am beginning to understand it....some. It seems that in my search here, the sources I have to study talk of not just solving problems, but living in community with others, which seems to be just what Jesus did. He didn't just take the weight of sin and say "See? All gone!". He lived in community with the poor, sinners, thieves, prostitutes and gave them hope. When I think of Him bearing my sin, I understand it a different way now. He didn't just take it away....He lived in it with me.

The conversations that go on in the missionary field cover so many topics, ranging from money to malaria to diarrhea. Fun stuff. I have been looking for solutions for problems and that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I am beginning to think that just being part of the community of people and sharing your faith and your love every lousy day is worth far more than handing out a few bucks. The hope of the disciples was wound up in the presence of Jesus, not His checkbook of miracles. Maybe He wants us to be His presence in the world of pain and suffering, giving hope and love to those who need it most. Maybe He wants us to live like He did and depend on Him to provide our most basic needs while we provide the most basic needs of others.. hope and love and community. I will ponder this for awhile, let God take me where He will, and share as it develops. It sounds like "breaking news.....", while in truth it is the oldest plan in the world. God wants to live with us, and now He wants us to live with those who need Him for Him. Maybe there is a whole new place there, a whole new world to see in those faces of people who suffer. A better place. Scary stuff for me, although I am pretty sure God can handle my fears. "updates as more information becomes available.....". :)

Djebenis tout moun. Really.

Saturday March 28, 2009

See the truck in the background behind our vehicle? This is a truck that broke down in the road, the main highway from north to south, as it goes thru St. Marc. It broke down right in the middle of the road, with no effort to get it out of the way before parking it, about 2 weeks ago. And periodically someone comes to work on it, it looks like it will be fixed in another week or so. So it sits right in the middle of the road, all traffic diverting around it, for weeks. Just an insight to living in Haiti. :)

As this is my first year (so far) doing this type of ministry there are several milestones along the way you hit. Yesterday Caroline left for the month to teach in Chicago..and along with her went my TAX RETURNS to be mailed!!! My first missionary tax returns......I think I figured it so that I got about $328,000 back on my return. Hmm, that seems a bit high considering I made only a fraction of that, but math is math so it must be right.....right? Well, I' m sure Uncle Sam will just look at it as another bailout or stimulus check going thru the system, so I'm pretty sure I'm set for a long time. Either here or in a nice comfy federal building somewhere where the architect liked to put bars on the windows for some reason. OH WELL, it should all work out. :)

The kids are jazzed about finishing the 3rd quarter and heading into the home stretch of school. They get out of hand a little at times and you have to get them in line to get any work done. Yesterday one of the "rowdier" students, a teen age young man, requested that one of the teachers "shut up" twice as he was giving him an interpretation of the break time period the young man didn't agree with. Gary was gone, so the staff brings those to me then. We discussed it, he denied it but the secretary and others all said that his explanation didn't hold water; he claimed to say something different but they all agreed there is nothing different he could have said. So, he went home for the rest of the day, and likely part of next week. I have learned that if one kid get's away with anything, they all claim the privelege so it had to be stopped. The kids here need.....really need...... a firm hand on them. They don't have much self discipline on their own. I guess that is endemic world wide for kids and teenagers, and having not had to deal with it as much in the states (yes, the kids here are worse than the youth group in church!) it seems newer to me. The good side is that once you draw those bright lines and they know not to cross, it works fairly well. There are many bright kids here, some not so much but all can learn when they apply themselves. I think I may right a teaching book based on my vast experience now and change the world. Let me think about that one for awhile first ok?

A recent post from Tara Livesay made a lot of sense to me. Tara basically talked about the fact no one can do everything, even though everyone else assumes you can. She gets monthly appeals to save the baby seals, the oceans, the lakes the birds, rivers, kids all over the world, clean the near orbit of earth of space junk, sign petitions to make waffle irons safer to use, etc.. Amazingly, Tara concluded that while these are all good things *especially the waffle iron thing* they are not all things she is called to do. So eventually you decline the offer and move on, and you are forever condemmed to the off chance of being blamed for all the future waffle iron accidents on earth. God forbid that someone recovering from a waffle iron accident be hit by junk falling from space, you're life would be over.

So Tara concluded that she wants to stay focused on what is in front of her....those things and people that God has put in front of her, not everyone else on earth with an internet connection. So she focuses on her family, her daily time with God (even if only crying out for help with the kids!) and those things that touch her heart that she works on regularly. The other things are all good, but they are for someone else. This thought process helps me stay focused on what I can.....and can't.....do here and at home. Limiting the flow in front of me is a good thing. Much like focusing your vision on God and relating with Him helps you see Him more clearly, focusing on those things He wants you to do helps you do them better. Like love your family.......pray regularly......support yourself and those you can help. AFter that, the priorities start fading out a lot for me. Well, I feel better blogging about it....I'll e mail a few more friends and let them know about this.....then I"ll check about 30 more net sites.....then exercise and work on school stuff.....then probably take a nap. Hmmmmm.........maybe I'll just take a nap. :)

Djebenis tout moun

Wednesday March 25, 2009

you may have noticed a couple of improvements in the blog. I am quite proud of myself for having become an internet master of blogging. I struggled to learn code and tricks to do all the neat things you see now, like those links on the side of the page for Haiti news. you have no idea how technical it is to do those....you have to tell the blog you want to change it....then find that gadget button and push it......the pick one....then give it a name and push save. I know some of the other real techie bloggers will be mad at me for giving out so many secrets of blogging, but I just can't help myself. I figure in another 7 months I might figure out some more neat stuff too, so if I get really good, I may have to charge for this free stuff I am giving out now. Oh, and don't worry that the news gadget for "haiti weather" has a lot of news in it. just a technical glitch.......somewhere.......this button thingy didn't save right, I think......or something like that. I'll have that fixed in no time at all.

Really........STOP LAUGHING AT ME......really........really.......really. :)

I still can't figure out how to send a video home, that will require hands on training. sorry, Wayne. but things are generally going well, so it's time to get ready for school today, will send more secret techie stuff later.....did you know these things have an off button?? :)

Djebenis tout moun!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Well, plans change sometimes...for the better. I did not wind up going up the mountain with Diana and Delson. In fact, Delson did not go either, Diana went with Celecia, a local Haitian woman interpreter. It seems they did not have accomodations for men and women to stay so the guys stayed home. Diana said she had a good stay, though w/o much sleep. It seems that listening to the rats, cats, dogs, chickens, goats, pigs, sheep, and other local celebrities make it a bit difficult to snooze.

The upside is I was available to go to Canaan to take a couple of young kids to the Medical Mamba program. Peter went and is doing fabulously, thank you. He gained an entire KILO more than their goal in ONE week! (cheers and applause are appropriate here) He has become a regular kid when at first I saw him my thought was that he would be dead in 10 days. PRAISE GOD!!! We brought his brother Mitu with him, a really adorable kid who jabbers and smiles even though he apparently has no stature in the family and is pretty much ignored. He did not qualify for the program, but in a way that is good. Though he is small for his age (4) he is pretty healthy. AND I saw Troy Livesay at the clinic! He snuck up behind me and was whispering my name. I couldn't find where it was coming from and he walked in. It was very cool to see him again, even though we only had about 5 minutes to talk. He was coming up to visit the program to find out about the admin details of handling a clinic for medical mamba. No pic's, didn't expect to see any superstars while I was there so I neglected to bring my camera!

It seems that I am drawn into more contact with the small kids and I do ok with it. I like the little ones, they are open and loving and so in need. Maybe that will be my ultimate direction here, but it is far too early to tell that. All in all a pretty good day, and the clock ticks....... towards my return....and sooner.....my TAXES. :( I'll get them done....sometime.

Djebenis tout moun

Saturday March 21, 2009

The last week has been pretty busy with the medical team in here. Mary, Diana and Alicia have been all over the place helping people and it's been fun to help a little. Mary is a doctor from West Virginia, Diana is a nurse and Alicia is her daughter. They came in last Friday, and Saturday they went out into the local community of McDonal to see patients, including some very sick kids and a man who died 2-3 days later of liver failure. We found Peterson during this trip, and his story is the previous post. Sunday was mission meeting, Monday was more clinic in Mountrois, Tuesday was working at a church very near City Soleil, Wednesday/Thursday was in mountain villages. Friday they came to school for awhile to see the kids and then did a small amount of shopping in the local market, and today Mary and Alicia went back to the States. Diana is staying another week, then she and Caroline will leave together to go back.

Seeing people in so many sites is very taxing for the team, it involves travel on very bad roads, in some cases a few hours of walking to get where they are going, once the road ends. They did great. I was not in on all of it, as school is still in session so SOMEBODY has to actually teach some! It is amazing what you see though. So many people have such advanced cases of things that in the States would have been caught very early and not been any kind of big deal. One poor man has a...something...growing out of his neck. He can't talk and probably will die from it unless he gets help. Dr. Mary didn't know what it was, but she took pictures and will consult as soon as she is back to see if other doc's can identify it for treatment. It very well may be a very treatable form of something that just didn't get treated.

Next week Diana, myself and Delson, the interpreter, will go up a mountain for an overnight stay at a village. This is apparently very remote and they almost never get visitors, let alone medical care. Diana will do what she can with the medicine she has. It makes me want to have a billion dollars or so to set up medical clinics all over the place, not just Haiti. Poor people...I mean, really poor people, have so little access to what we take for granted in the States. There is no grocery store down the street; there is no clinic or doctor office or emergency room available, and even if there was, likely no road going to it. I have come to know that the US is not the norm, it is by far the exception. The rest of the world does NOT live like we do, which is why so many want to come to the US. We've done such a poor job with the riches God has entrusted us with, think what kind of very comfortable lives we could have had without the greed and laziness, and what we could have done for the rest of the world. Don't get me wrong, I love being an American, but part of it is being able to look in the mirror and see where we've messed up. The US has done more for others than anyone...but we could have done so much more. Seems like a heart issue.....again. Time is flying, school ends in 10 weeks, I can't believe it. Ten weeks from today I will be packing for a trip home for summer. Maybe I'll even have my taxes in by then. :(

There is so much to say and I just don't have the words for it all. I can't explain the times when I just want to scream...and those times when you find a Peterson and know why you're here. I hope this blog has helped someone have a better understanding of Haiti, missions, and more importantly, themselves. It's our hearts that have to change, we have to begin with ourselves and change that small part of the world. Some others will follow, most won't, but it's the call we all have.

Djebenis tout moun

Friday March 20,2009

Meet Peterson. He is a quiet young man, approximately 2 years old. About a week ago we met him as members of a medical team went thru McDonal treating patients. One of the leaders of the community alerted Barb, the "elder" local missionary (sorry Barb) about this young man. When we first saw him, I have to say I thought he would live for maybe 7/10 days and die. He could hardly hold his head up, and could only stand in one spot, w/o any life in his eyes or movement of limbs. We were told he had severe diarrhea and could not keep food in him. Sunday at missionary meeting we talked with Elsie and Bobbie, two missionaries at Canaan orphange that have been working with the Medical Mamba program, coincidently started by a pediatrician in St. Louis, Mo. It is a program to take kids who are highly at risk and nourish them back to health with "super charged peanut butter" (Mamba in Creole) so they have a fighting chance. Peterson, on the scale used to measure the need for intervention, was critical. It started on Tuesday, and by Friday he has more life and is eating food every 2 hours or so. He seemed to almost smile once when I was running my fingers up his belly. He will also just let people cuddle and love him, which unfortunately he received not at all from his family. The truth is we believe the family thought he would die anyway and just stopped feeding him. His mother saw him yesterday and, I am told, couldn't have cared less about him. She is a prostitute and has many issues. Peterson was often left in the "care" of his 4 year old brother....for the entire day or longer. The adults in many cases just don't care whether the kids live or die, at least for many in this community and others. Well, Peterson is starting to thrive, and he was officially offered a position in the orphanage by the entire staff tonight. He kind of smiled, so we took that as a yes!

Later as we were talking some, the conversation turned to "what do you do?" when a kid is dying? You do whatever you can with as much as you have. No one wants to think of the hundreds or thousands of other kids like him we can't save. It's too hard. Peterson, however, will live.

It was a very good day today.

Djebenis tout moun

March 15, 2009

I spent some time this morning trying to find some Christian blogs out there that would be interesting. Found a couple of particular blogs that seem promising, but I have to admit I was not overly impressed with the outlook of many. I guess that says more about me than them. It's kind of like Christian music for me, it is hard to find things that reallly make me think about my relationship with Jesus and how I live my life. There are many songs that are emotional and I am all for that, but there seems to be an almost total dearth of songs that really challenge people. Jason Upton does this, sings about real stuff and how we are with it, at least for me he does. Kind of like sermons in churches, it seems we like to make ourselves feel better and all and we don't want to offend anyone, but it is hard to find folks who will lay it on the line and call it like it is. Which brings me to my point: why are Christians afraid to think about and be challenged by what we say we believe?

It appears to me that the "Christian" church, or thought process or whatever you want to call it, has become, well, pretty worldly. We want Jesus to approve of what we want instead of trying to do the deep digging into our lives to see why we do what we do, and maybe find that place that will bring us to change in ourselves. Just like I want Jesus to approve of my point of view here, maybe I need to actually READ His word and seek HIM before I make proclamations about the state of the church. (Actually, I have and feel like I am on pretty safe ground here).

Living in Haiti, being on the mission field, I felt I would see the best the Christian church has to offer to the world. Alas, I find that, like me, the people here are.......people. They have the same quirks and such that I have, some not so bad......some maybe worse (at least I tell myself that so I feel better!) But it makes me think, because I didn't encounter what I thought I would, my expectations were not met......so I had to challenge myself. Maybe I expected too much......CHECK! Maybe I didn't do my homework about missions the way I should have......CHECK! Maybe the things I see are not so much a problem with everyone else (though I am pretty sure some of it is) as much as a challenge to me to root out what I really think about this Jesus guy and what He means to me. It seems to me that more and more that I am getting changed much more than those around me.

Which, in a roundabout way, is what I am talking about. It seems the church has lost much of it's ability to look at itself, for Christians to look at ourselves, and judge ourselves in relation to God's word and His Spirit. NO, I do not mean that our lives must be filled with works to earn our stripes. What I mean is that our lives should not be white washed coffins, looking good on the outside and filled with dead bones on the inside. It seems we are so into comfortable that we forget that God's spirit is an agent for change in our lives. We have accepted the saving part....."thank you God for saving me from my sins....now pardon me for missing church while I go play softball, or have a few drinks with my buddies.....again". And no, I do not mean that missing church anytime is a grievous sin. I think the point is not hard to get. We take the gift of forgiveness and live in it, instead of letting it be a starting point of growth. Try to talk about discipleship and you'll get a lot of rolling eyes and people changing subjects. We are already saved, right? Yes, but to whose purpose?

Big finish now. It seems we have taken the forgiveness God has offered us..and used it for our purposes instead of His purposes. It is easy for us to think of the past, and be grateful for the forgiveness of our past sins, or think of the future and how we will serve God someday.....but for today we seem to lack the ability (or fail to choose) to serve Him now. We fail to work out our salvation today....and I'm pretty sure we're suppose to, or else God wouldn't have put it in His word. SO, as soon as I have it worked out, I will let you know. Just in case someone else is working on it too, if you get there first, let me know, ok? :)

[the opinions offered here are often self serving and out of touch with the world, and many find them highly offensive. Thank you]

Djebenis tout moun

March 14,2009

So this Jesus guy is going thru the countryside, talking to people, healing them of all sickness and disease, so He was pretty popular with the folks. When He saw a crowd of people coming one day, He went up a mountain with His friends and started to talk to them. These guys listened a lot to Jesus, but they had a hard time hearing Him, if you know what I mean. He talked in a way that just didnt' make sense to them a lot of the time. They had their view of the world, their agenda they wanted to see fulfilled and when Jesus said things that they didn't understand, well, I think they just ignored Him or re interpretated what He said to their particular liking, kind of like we all do.

So Jesus tells these guys that the blessed people on the earth are the poor, and that the poor will inherit the kingdom of Heaven. Not only that, but the word He uses for "poor" is "piltolka" or something like this, a Greek work that literally means the lowest of the low. You see, there were levels of society in those days, and the high up's had 4 levels of the "have's", those associated with the power and riches, of which they had about all of it. The peasant class also had 4 levels, and these "pitolka" guys were the lowest of the 4. Like the "untouchables" in India, those who had nothing, criminals if they chose, beggars if they refused to steal, those who literally were deemed not worthy to be touched. Interesting point in this is that for the religious leaders of the day, they had a bunch of rules that were really a pain in the rear for everyone, but it helped them keep control and power so they liked the rules. One of these rules was that it was totally beneath ANY rabbi or student to sit at a table with such folks......which is kind of ironic since that is pretty much what Jesus did all the time. Hmmm.

So, Jesus is telling these guys who are following Him that the kingdom of Heaven is for the lowest of the low, the "untouchables", thieves and beggars. Those totally without power or clout or worth or social status or....pretty much anything. I have to think that this pretty much freaked out His followers, as I imagine them as, at least at this point, pretty much guys who thought Jesus was their meal ticket, the guy who would have power and clout and status and.... would share it with them. So, when Jesus is saying this it's like, "whoa, wait a minute, maybe we hooked our wagon to the wrong guy here, fella's". Who wants to be poor and all that? Remember when Jesus tells the rich guy that all he has to do is give up his money to the poor and he will have heaven, and the guy goes away totally bummed? The followers of Jesus asked Him, "who then can reach Heaven if not for the rich?". Jesus said it is easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle than for the rich to get to Heaven, but then said that in God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

So it seems to me that this Jesus guy is saying that anyone can reach Heaven, IF they see themselves as totally dependent and in need of God, and if they see themselves as one of the "untouchables". When we lower ourselves, we get a better view of God, I think, a truer view. Then we know where we really stand before Him, and we can truly get desperate enough for Him that we don't care about how we look to the world, only about how we need Him.

Pretty cool story if you ask me. If only churches were filled with more of the untouchables and fewer of the I'm in charge, I've got mine rabbi's I think Jesus would be a lot happier with us. Really.

Djebenis tout moun

March 13, 2009

So many things going on. Gary went to Port again to pick up the medical team that is here for week to do clinics. that will be a busy time getting them about while still running school and "regular" stuff. Kids in school are causing problems, and we have to run down what exactly is going on. A couple of newer kids appear to be "planning" something so they may be very short lived in the El Shaddai school. It is causing problems with some of the other kids as well, like a bad seed, so we want to deal with it asap. One of our kids who is really a good guy and has a future found out he may not get to go home for school next year as he was told he could. These kids are so often pawns in their parents dysfunctional lives, all we can do is support them the best we can while trying to further their education. Some missionaries I know of received some devastating news recently....something that can change a lifetime...and they are dealing with it. Please pray for them, unspoken request, for peace, wisdom and recovery.

Caroline is about ready to leave in about 2 weeks to go to Chicago and teach for a month. She has been cramming like she is the one to be tested! I am sure she will do very well, though, because of her preparation. So, lots' of stuff gooing on here, while the days count down to the end of school

Djebenis tout moun

March 11, 2009

ROAD TRIP!!! got into Port today. school was cancelled, no other good choices. several teachers were already out, Gary/Caroline had to work Agape, I was trying to get into to see the Livesay's...so VACATION DAY! unfortunately it didn't work to see T/T, they had some family things that could not wait, so we will see where we can try again in the future. The road to Port is getting much better, paved for long stretches now, though closer to our end there are still miles of really nasty roads. One new danger with the better roads is...horrible drivers on better roads. About a week ago there was an accident where 3 buses collided. Likely one was passing another on a curve, and the third came around the bend and boom. I was told there were many deaths out of it. Big rig drivers...buses, trucks, etc....are absolutely HORRIBLE BEYOND RECOGNITION here. They go as fast as they can, don't care if you are in their way (by being in their way, that means in your own lane as they pass others...or just use the best part of the road) and they fully expect you to move in ALL circumstances. People will die because of the new roads, buses will tip over that are overloaded, a common occurence, trucks will go as fast as they can. One step forward...3 steps backwards.

Found about everything we were needing in Port, drum for the copier, oil/filters for truck, cashed check, grocery store, worked Agape, got wood screws for Al from the Eco store. really cool place, Eco. like a Loew's for Haiti. EXCEPT, nothing has a price listed. it is assumed if you need it, you will pay for it. And if you do need it, well, you DO pay for it. Prices here are skyrocketing on everything. Gary and I shopped at the grocery store (Caroline wound up staying home to work on a class she is going to teach next month in Chicago) and filling one shopping cart cost almost $400 US. Granted we got a lot of meat, cheese stuff, expensive things. There is a team coming here and we bought for Al/Bev too. But still, $400? the common people are really having a hard time as prices go up and up. Rents are up too, land prices. The UN has provided security and other essential services the government could not provide, but their presence has sent prices up regularly. They are well funded and the local vendors make prices match. Regular folks are hurting. Another day. No wonder they at times take out their frustration in "manifestations". Unfortunately when they do, they usually tear up the road, and the cycle starts over. Friday a team comes in to do medical clinics for a week. Hopefully much good will be done, as many need it.

Djebenis tout moun.

March 8, 2009

The weather just can't get better. It is cool in the morning (the Haitians are wearing parka's, stocking caps, gloves in the morning....or walking around in shorts and tank tops!) and comfortable in the afternoon. Gary and others have said this is usual winter weather...but it usually has been over for at least a month. By now, it is warmer both at night and during the day, with more humidity. But, who am I to complain? I just accept the burdens places on me....naw, even I can't go there now! it is just really nice now weather wise. Dusty and dirty to be sure, but the airtemp is bon, anpil bon!

So apparently Bill Clinton and the UN Sec/Gen Moon are coming in today or tomorrow, leaving Wednesday which happens to be the same time the Sec. Council members are arriving for a visit. They are leaving on Saturday. Several issues going on apparently. Premye, Bill and Sec. Moon are visiting to talk about the political situation with the upcoming election and the exclusion of Fanmi Lavalas, the political party of Aristide from the elections. They feel the need to make sure everyone feels good about the election and feels included...which won't happen if the exclusion holds. It appears to be for very valid reasons; the party has 2 slates up and they can't figure out what they are doing it seems. Dezyem, they are setting the stage for the Sec. Council members to come for a fact finding mission leading up the the Haiti Donors Conference in Washington next month, I believe. I have read a bit on this and, alas, it seems the world is growing weary of Haiti's never ending need for funding to keep themselves going, I assume even more now with the economic downturn. One article likened it to throwing money into a pit and burning it for all the good it does. It seems the view on giving to Haiti is When will this ever end? No answer is in sight for this question.

It leads to a larger question that many if not most of the people who work these problems can't or won't see. For all the money that has been poured into Haiti for so many years, why is there no traction building for any economic growth? I remember Bill Clinton making a speech when he was President. He said during it that he found faith in the basic goodness of people. I believe that is the belief of most all of the post modern world. If we could just find the right formula for each place, we could unlock the basic goodness of people and live happily ever after..... I truly believe this world view is the reason these programs fail over and over again. Example: Chris and Leslie Rollings run a mission called Clean Water for Haiti, a wonderful mission that works to get sand filters for water into homes to prevent the problems associated with unclean water. One of the really good humanitarian programs around. Chris told me that when they started, they gave the filters away. The goal was to help people only, and not to burden them with financial responsibility they could not shoulder. The result was that the people trashed the filters, would not care for them, and received no benefit. When they started charging a nominal amount for the filters, the program found success. Moral of the story: giving away things DOES NOT WORK. It seems to me that points to an internal dynamic going on in people that is not flattering. If people were basically good, wouldln't they appreciate things like free water filters and take care of them? Why would someone NOT appreciate and care for them? Maybe because things given to them have no value whatsoever. The value system appears to be, whatever I can get for free I will use and abuse, which in my mind kind of disavows the notion that people are basicallly good. We are not. We are selfish an self centered. We always have been.....always will be. Unless I am MADE to be responsible, I don't want to and will fight to avoid it. Kind of like small children, yes I am!

How does one teach responsibilty? Missions around Haiti and the world are beginning to learn that humanitarian giving must have a personal cost component to the people or it will usually fail. Help people with management and idea's to SUCCEED FOR THEMSELVES. Obviously there are emergency situations of dire need where that is not the case. But LONG TERM the giving of aid causes more harm than good. It makes people dependent on the aid and destroys the local economies. Micro loans are a booming business in 3rd world countries and the work. From the humanitarian side, it seems to be the way to go. Unless people have something of their own invested in an enterprise, it just isn't worthwhile to them.

So, that is my two cents for today. I plan to work on my taxes on line (amazing isn't it?) and listen to a lot of worship music today, I NEED IT. Thinking on the spiritual part of the equation here is more daunting, but that is for another day. Being a guy, I have used too many of my words today as is. I am running low, have to save some for later.

Djebenis tout moun.

March 7, 2009

Funny how the longest trips come while you sit in one place. Sometimes we go thru valleys, over mountains and thru deserts while sitting in one place. Or, at least I do. Several years ago I saw a link on the Livesay website for Church of the Open Door in Minnesota. This had been their home church in the states and they recommended it, so I dialed in and got hooked. There was this series called "The Way of the Rabbi" about this guy named Jesus and how He lived and talked and walked, and they studied Him for about 18 months. Nothing else, just who He was, who He is, and how He invited us to live along with Him.

Well, as many of my good intentions went, I was impressed, bought the cd series, or at least part of it, and......left it in a box for several months. When I finally began to get ready for the "big trip" I started thinking of what I wanted to bring with me. It seemed like a good idea to bring something that may be edifying. While I know what the word means, I really don't like it. For whatever reason, I always think of Eddie Haskel, a goofball character on the old (yes, really old) tv series "Leave it to Beaver". Even I was young then. You know, we used the hand crank tv then...... Anywaaayyy.......I always think of Eddie Haskel, a no account, trouble causing, selfish guy always trying to get the innocent guys into trouble. So, I have issues with words....doesn't everybody??

Well, I started to get edified listening to the cd's and after listening to a good 10 or 15 minutes of one, decided I needed to bring them with me. So I promptly delegated the loading of the cd's onto my computer to my oldest son Luke, who did a wonderful job. And time went on, I show up here and the edifying process grinds to a halt. In fact I think for a while I was de-edifying.... more word issues! So one day I decide to actually start listening to the cd's. I mean really listening. Amazing thing, this edifying stuff, once you actually want it for yourself. You see, before this I had started reading some stuff about abiding in God, and real discipleship, and in doing that, being Eddie Haskelized (better) seemed more desirable. So I started listening, and this pastor guy David Johnson started talking to me. Actually started talking to me, we had conversations, really. (Haiti does bring out the best in you, I believe!) While we are having these conversations (he is a good talker and gives good answers, but isn't much of a listener as far as I can tell yet) it seems I start seeing things like myself and the world differently. People appear differently to me, not part of a culture as much, though I know we are all a part of one, but more as individuals. Yes, I still have a way to go in this as my posts clearly demonstrate. I am, however, seeing things in a differrent light.

So, if there are any Eddie Haskel fans out there, or those who remember him as not that a great a guy......heck, if you remember him, maybe you might want to try http://www.thedoor.org/ as a walk down memory lane. Even if you don't and maybe want to get knocked off your perch (let's all line up for that!) give a listen, they have podcasts. Along with the 'casts from my church Frontline Fellowship, http://www.frontlinefellowship.com/ they seem to keep me grounded....and ungrounded.....all at the same time. Interesting experience, that is.

Djebenis tout moun

March 4, 2009

It has rained the last few nights here, though last night was dry. It leaves the place a muddy mess. The ground can't take that much rain on top of dry dust, it just causes mudpiles and minor/major flooding. Downtown is a mess, roads clogged with mud and garbage from the canals that has been washed out by the flooding. Literally they bring in dozers and backhoes to scrape the mud and garbage off the streets after rain like this.

On the way back today from taking the kids home from school Gary and I witnessed something that just boggles the mind. An old, mentally disabled man was walking the street in rags for clothes. A young man on a bicycle slowed up and came next to him; tapped him to get his attention, then slapped the man before riding off, laughing. Gary and I talked about the guy; he knows of him and knows there apparently is nothing that can be done for him. Unless you want to take him into your home and care for him, he really can't be helped. And the odds are, he wouldn't come to your home anyway. He resists help, and when you can help it doesn't help. Gary has given him some money before and has found out that as soon as he turns to leave, people of the kind mentioned come up to him and take it from him.

I know this stuff happens everywhere. It does not make it any less tolerable just because it is not that unusual. Think of those young American idiots who video themselves beating homeless people for fun????

Haitians are friendly overall. They help their families generally, but more so out of cultural obligation than anything else. The basic characteristic I see here is the amazing self centeredness of people. It shows in how they live, drive, walk the streets, etc. It seems that most, as far as I can tell, give absolutely no thought of what their actions may mean to someone else. I know Americans have more than our share of this quality, but I will say not to the extent I see it here, and it's not really close. This characteristic would make it very difficulty to bring people together to work towards a common purpose and that again appears to be maybe the problem here.

For every trip that I take where I find things like this, I also must say I see regularly small children that are just adorable, smiling and enjoying themselves. They will smile and wave and this is becoming my purpose. The adults here I have to honestly say I don't know that I would want to work with. The children, however, can be helped. First they can learn that there is a God and that He cares for them, and then that Jesus came for them. Then they can be educated and taught to care for others. THAT MUST BE TAUGHT TO THEM. It doesn't occur naturally, it appears to me, not here or in the US. Sometime it kind of stinks to be in the business of small victories. Then I remember why I am here, and Who called me to come. It takes my eyes off the circumstances, then you can go on. Take care in the States. Good luck with the government, I begin to think I am not sure which government is worse, the US or Haiti's.....

Djebenis tout moun.

March 2,2009

It is March 2. All day. Amazing how the time goes. Missed mission meeting yesterday, have a touch of somekind of bug. My stomach is not providing for the common welfare so I declare it in a state of rebellion. Not that it really cares much about that, but it makes me feel like I have control...which I obviously don't. :) The weather is warmer, we received quite a bit of rain last night, it rained most of the night as far as I could tell. So the dry season begins to wind down. There will still be mostly dry weather for another month-6weeks or so, then it will begin to change. Hopefully a much calmer season than last for Haiti.

School is going fairly well. I am learning to deal with goofball teenagers again. The teen group at church did not prepare me to deal with this stuff here. They were relatively calm compared to the stuff here, and that is mostly culture I know. We had not gotten many deported teens from foreign countries to enter our teen group so that lesson was lost on me. I am learning, though reluctantly.

I guess the main thing I have learned so far is that there is a method of dealing with isolation here, and I am learning my method as I go. I think everyone is different. One missionary I know has a very isolated situation and it really get's to her after time. Here it is not as bad but still, you are in a different culture and can't communicate well and you are a target because of your skin color and it just isn't easy. Taking a relaxing walk here just doesn't really happen for me. Now Jessica went on walks all the time, but I wonder how comfortable they were. Feel free to let me know Jess. For me it is a little harder to acclimate, but give it 7-10 years and I think I will get there. :)

The bug guy just came and sprayed. Yes, Gary found a guy to spray for bugs. The thing you worry about here is that they use stuff mostly banned in the US so I try not to breathe when they are around. Added on top of my rebellious stomach and it makes for.....fun! So I think I'll go and be nauseous in a different part of the house for variety. Take care in the cold!

Djebenis tout moun