I am writing this w/o the benefit of blogger.com,. which apparently has gone on vacation for awhile. Haven't been able to get on for about 3 days now. Eventually I will post the PG video I talked about. It is Saturday morning, Gary and Caroline have gone to their Bible school they teach, and I am holding down the fort here. Elna is here preparing to get the noon meal we have on Saturdays together with Al/Bev/Barb most of the time, and then do her regular work.
The recent (possible) opportunity to start an audiology practice in Port au Prince has got me to thinking, always a murky and treacherous activity for me. It leads me to think about why I am really here in the first place. Yes, I know this is an old theme with me, but I think it is good to question yourself sometimes, and the longer I am here, I think maybe I do so more often than I have in the past. Yesterday at school it was early and the kids and staff were gradually coming in. As is my tendency these days, I stand around the front gate to welcome the kids, staff and the occasional visitor, usually a parent paying a bill or straightening out a problem. As I stood there, some of the little ones wanted to hold the gate open so they could see, as they expected one of their comrades to show up any minute and wanted to see the truck come up the hill. So we stood there as they were around my knee's and I looked out.
A woman came by as is very usual, with a basket on her head filled with things to sell. She stopped and looked inside the gate and saw the kids and I am sure she knows this is a school, it is obvious. We met eyes and she did not look away, though I did. When I returned to her a fraction later, she was still looking inside at the kids and she had this look about her like "that is where I belonged long ago". I don't know how else to describe it. She stood there for a few seconds, actually maybe 15-20 seconds more after this just looking. She didn't appear upset or anything, but she looked like she was seeing herself somehow. After this she walked on, never looking back, not calling out her goods for sale as she had been, still straight backed with head up balancing her goods on her head.
The Haitian people are for the most part stoic, bearing up under what happens regardless, as they really don't have much choice in the matter. Every once in awhile, you get a glimpse, and usually only that in my limited experience. They are reluctant to reveal themselves. Maybe they are just comfortable that way, maybe they are afraid to open that door,afraid of how difficult it may be to close it again. This was a glimpse for me. This woman obviously in my mind felt something in that time, saw something in others she lacked, but always longed for in herself. Likely she never had the opportunity to go to school. Maybe she would have failed, as Haitian schools are not designed to bring out the best in what I have seen and know about them. Or maybe she would have been someone who could have made a big difference in many peoples lives, but the chance was not there for her, I assume.
The Haitian people are for the most part stoic, bearing up under what happens regardless, as they really don't have much choice in the matter. Every once in awhile, you get a glimpse, and usually only that in my limited experience. They are reluctant to reveal themselves. Maybe they are just comfortable that way, maybe they are afraid to open that door,afraid of how difficult it may be to close it again. This was a glimpse for me. This woman obviously in my mind felt something in that time, saw something in others she lacked, but always longed for in herself. Likely she never had the opportunity to go to school. Maybe she would have failed, as Haitian schools are not designed to bring out the best in what I have seen and know about them. Or maybe she would have been someone who could have made a big difference in many peoples lives, but the chance was not there for her, I assume.
I know these things happen all over the world in all cultures. It appears to me that for many people this mitigates the feeling of loss, as if it happens every day so why worry about it? I wonder if it is better to feel that way, though I know in my heart it is not. For me it magnifies the view of life and the poor, and knowing it happens every day doesn't make me feel better at all. It makes me think about what good I can do, even if I am not a trained teacher, or I don't know the language well enough, or can't help rebuild the generator engine like Gary can.
I think God knew what He was doing when He put it on my heart to come here. If all I can do is pray, smile and give a friendly pat on the shoulder,then maybe I should do that the best I can. Maybe when someone here goes to that place of regret or pain inside, and some goofball guy from the US is there to smile and say "God bless you", it may help ease that few seconds of dificulty for them, and maybe that is good enough for now. AND, that can be done anywhere I happen to be, here in St. Marc or Port au Prince or anywhere else.
Did I tell you of the neighbors who have this little boy who sings constantly? He seems SO happy just to be alive and he shows it, I love to listen to him. There is also this young girl, maybe 10 or so, who seems to do a lot of work, wears ragged clothes and she doesn't smile a lot. I never hear her singing. Maybe I can get a chance just to smile or tell her "God bless you".
Djebenis tout moun.
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