Saturday, April, 25, 2009

so many things. Leslie and Chris Rollings had their home attacked earlier this week, their van was set on fire in the middle of the night and they were threatened with death if they did not leave. A man had been caught stealing from them and I believe he is trying to scare them away so he can return home w/o fear of the law, who is after him for stealing and now whomever did this. One of our workers had his daughter, 3 years old, assaulted with a spoon by a neighbor. Apparently, it is custom here for some folks to "ready" a young girl for sex even at age 3. Al and Bev had to fire a worker with the orphans who basically just refused to follow the set rules for the orphanage. They need to find a new worker before summer. Tara blogged about a blog comment that basically wanted to know more about Haiti and less about her family. Tara tried to explain that a large part of life here doesn't translate well over the internet in words. She blogs about her passions..her family and the women in the program they run. She gave an example of a woman who is HIV positive, because she needed money and had sex with a man. She also is pregnant by him. She then saw the same man..and his wife..in the program. His wife is pregnant; she also is HIV positive, as likely will be her baby. This woman is destroyed and Tara just doesnt' know how to put all that into words. Two of the workers in school are trying to get visa's for the US for summer and were denied. Two nights ago there was a young woman walking down the street loudly crying. I heard her for awhile and thought it may have been a baby somewhere but when the sound moved and she walked by I coudl tell who it was. I don't know where she was going, or what had just happened to her, but she was very obviously in distress...and there was nothing I could do.

I have realized that I don't talk that much about some of the things that maybe people want to hear about. I also know that I am not really in a position to talk about those things intelligently so I avoid them. I talk about my journey here, the kids and general things. Those things I know something about, though often not enough.

I know that I don't know whether I will be back next year; that I both want to and think maybe I don't know how or where to be effective. I don't want just to be here so I can call myself "missionary". If I can't make a difference, then the money is much better spent with a place like Gospel for Asia http://www.gfa.org/. I know that sometimes I just want to grab someone and shake them.....and often I just want to hold someone till I can't anymore. Pierre, one of the workers in school, told me that his daughter Daydid told him that she loves me because I play with her. Is that enough to justify being here? Is it making a difference in her life? I wonder where God wants me, and whether I listen enough to know. I teeter between feeling useful and useless. I know that just working in a school and not being able to help someone know Christ just isnt enough....and I feel totally inadequate in telling people about Him. I teach Bible class for the young kids in school but somehow that doesn't seem enough. The physical, emotional, psychological and every other kind of need here is overwhelming....but if people just live better here and don't know Christ, then what is the point? I often think now that without living with the Haitians...really living with them in community...I can't share anything that will make a difference, and that both excites and scares me.

Please pray, those that do, for these issues mentioned above.

Djebenis tout moun

Bondye benis ou