December 18, 2008

we'll be leaving for Port in a little more than an hour.  should be home in St. Louis around 5, pending weather.  mild ice storm may delay things.  hopefully I'll get home in time to change clothes and make my return flight to Port in January!!    had our Christmas show for the kids last night and it went really well.  after two of the daughters of Petit Hommes' were outside singing worship songs in Creole.   can't even remember which one it was now, but it was one I knew, so they began to sing in in English and we all sang together.  it was a good night.   be seeing everyone soon, have a good day, keep that ice/snow away Lord!!!     bye for now.

December 15, 2008

it is about 77 deg here in St. Marc this morning...and it is 16 deg in St.Louis. maybe the flight will have mechanical problems......KIDDING!! looking forward to being home for a few days. next few days will be hectic, have to get my packing done early, as Wednesday is school till 1:30, then prepare for the Christmas show they do with the kids for the families that starts about 4. It goes for a few hours, then clean up and get ready to leave next morning about 5 for the airport. Typical travel stuff.

After the first several weeks here I kind of settled in here and got into the routine of life. Recently it seems that there is something new going on in me. I can't identify it but a change nonetheless. Kind of a "sorting out" thing maybe. Life here is more "regular" I guess and it feels like maybe a fork in the road is upcoming. As I have said before it seems like I am getting changed much more than anyone I interact with here. Whether it is in order that I might be here long term, or that I may be a different person when home again is unclear to me. I guess I know I will see differently if home, at least I hope I would. I see people differently, and myself, and honestly I see God differently. Maybe that is the change in me I can't identify. so, on we go, another day of school, and I look forward to being in my home church this weekend. bye for now.

December 13,2008

Hard to believe I will be basking in the ice and snow of central western Illinois this time next week. :) or is it :(?? putting the finishing touches on the Christmas show they do at the school. much practice, and it does cut into the school time but the kids like it, and it does give a break, or a reward for the first half of school to them. Gary and Caroline are off to Bible school this morning as I house sit and "manage" Rose who is making the Saturday meal for us. we have started a thing where G/C and myself, along with Al and Bev and Barb when she is here, do a Saturday afternoon get together thing. We pool some money and have one of the Haitian staff fix a Haitian meal for us, rice/beans (shocking, I know) plaintains, potatoes, chicken (ok, we splurge) and picklies. not pickles, but picklies, a kind of cabbage slaw that is made with as much hot pepper as you can stand. Rose is kind to us, as she knows burning the entire intestines out of the missionaries who work the school would not be in her long term interests! :) the Haitians kind of laugh at us on these things but I have learned to laugh at myself also. those who know me are aware that I have long had this skill, as I have even longer had things to laugh at myself about.

I must brag here some regarding my Creole. it is coming along nicely, thank you, and I am gaining some confidence in speaking AND actually understanding a little of what the Haitians say, as long as I am aware of the subject and I can get them to speak SLOWLY. You do this by listening to what they say for 3 minutes and waiting for a break. then you look at them and say "souple, pale dousman", at which time they roll their eyes and start over. You see, I have just asked them "please, speak slowly" and they then realize that I am not Haitian (yes, I do see the irony in that statement) and they know they must speak to me as if I am 2 years old. But this is an improvement for me. One of the girls at school is going to teach me a new Haitian word every day, starting next week. Of course, after 3 days I will be gone for 2 1/2 half weeks so who knows what I will remember when I return. I have been told that you actually do better when you return after a break from it, as your brain apparently processes things somewhat and it begins to sink in some.

Gary is arranging for me to meet an ent doctor after the first of the year in Port au Prince, or more correctly Petionville, where all the money lives. There is at least one ent in the country and I am exploring the option of opening an audiology practice in Port. I have seen some of the bourgeious with hearing aids, and I suspect that they get them in the states or in the DR. oops, Dominican Republic. it would not take a lot of sales to support myself here and enable me to do more ministry. So, we'll see where that goes. I am trying to explore options while at the same time not tie myself to anything for next year. Kind of a get ready for anything thing. You just never know what doors God will open for you, or what ones He will close behind you. Maybe I'll be right here again, maybe I'll be in the US looking for a job and looking for a new or used car, if there are any available then. :) or maybe I'll be at the South Pole, who knows? I am learning to be flexible, at least spiritually. My chiropractor will not be happy with my fleshly flexibility. That will be an early visit when I am home. I am looking at my next 5 months here as an opportunity to gain some personal discipline in my time management and use skills, which, as an American, are abysmal. I always assume I have time to do things LATER and I will have time for everything when LATER get's here. Not so. So eventually I'll get a plan together....:):)

I have been downloading some pic's while I am typing (see, I am getting better, usually I wait till I get to the picture part and stop and go get them!). so here are some pic's for those visually inclined folks.

Picture are of some of the houses that are being repaired from hurricane relief monies that are going out to people still. you can see the damage yourself and some of the people affected. these are not the worst, just some of the available pictures we have. many lost their homes entirely. those homes were either lost or completely rebuilt if money was available. just another reminder of life here and how it is lived.

suddenly, the ice and snow don't seem so bad after all. hope everying is having a good day, drive safely in Middle America, will see many of you next week. bye for now.

December 9, 2008

yes, I know I am not posting often. the team last week and starting school again, and I am realizing I am leaving to return for a break in 9 days.... leaves me thinking and not doing much recently. returning to school is a good routine to get back to. we have had a couple of heart to heart discussions with one of my students who is right there on the verge of being kicked out of school. passive aggresive, won't work, etc. but after today he seems to get the idea...for at least a day, we'll see how tomorrow goes. as I get to know the kids more, including the younger ones, and I interact with the staff more, I am beginning to look at them as a kind of a family, and I enjoy that and worry over it. I think, "how can I ever leave them?", right after I think about coming home next summer or other oppotunities I might have, like starting an audiology practice in Port au Prince. I know every year or so, someone is here, and they get close to the kids and the kids get close to them...and they leave and someone else comes in. I wonder what the effect would be if, oh, I don't know...someone actually came back? it causes me to think, and part of it is am I just doing this because I feel it might be a good thing to do, or is this God calling me to do this? so I pray, and think....then in an epiphany, I think and pray. and wonder. so if anyone wants to think and pray with me...please do, I can use the help.

weather is wonderful, high 70's in the morning (when the locals go around in long sleeve coats) to around 90 for a high. very dusty though, cough, cough. sun is coming up later and later, makes it hard to just pop up in the morning, but usually I have been awake for an hour or so at least anyway. I am thinking of getting a scooter next year if I am home for summer. prelude to getting one here, or maybe a motorcycle. so Rufus, you can hold fundraisers all summer to get me money to buy a bike here next year....that is if I wind up here. so many questions. looking forward to seeing everyone soon, I just hope I avoid what Al has now, dengue fever. it apparently it going around, please pray for him and for the people it doesn't turn into a big problem, I know there was an outbreak of it about this time last year around here. so, I'll be home....or really sick. Hmmmmmmmmm..........I vote for home. :) bye for now.

December 5, 2008

A very busy 4 days have gone by, and NO I don't have pic's to share of the clinic. I don't think of getting pic's until I sit down to blog, then I say to myself, "self, you're a dork". I just don't have that priority of getting these pics to share in my head yet. I do have a few of some cute kids though.

Eye clinic started Monday and it was...unorganized and kind of a mess to start with, but we got it figured out as we went and it went fairly smoothly. Saw about 130-140 on Monday, that is my guess. Tuesday we had the glasses that had been help up in customs so we had better glasses to give out. The computer inventory system they had had some bugs apparently in it and it took almost 2 hours to get it working and that slowed everything down. Since it was the last day in St. Marc, we had to see everyone, including those from Monday who came back to get the glasses we couldn't give them on Monday. Opinions differ but it was at least 225 people and it got kind of stressful for some of the team doing that level of work. Wednesday and Thursday at Mountrois were much better and things went off with only self inflicted wounds, and minor scratches at that. Overall I would say that we saw between 650-700 people in the 4 days and most got prescription or reading glasses. Many complaints of itchy eyes. The dusty season is just beginning to start and it really does cause people problems.

After the clinic Thursday we returned to where the team was staying, the Xaragua hotel where a Bible conference was being held on Thursday. People from the team spoke and apparently it went really well. Took pic's after that of local area's for the team to take back. They have a very cool guy, Roy, who is the church videographer for them. He brought a tv cam with others, and shot video late Wednesday and all day Thursday. The church raises funds for missions just like Gary and Carolines. He took pic's along the roadway (not appreciated by the other traffic, by the way, or the local farmer who wondered if we were going to damage his banana's or tomatoes. He was assured we would not hurt anything and was fine after that). Also at the orphanage and at the home of one of the workers here Francois Petite Homme, last name is pronounced

petty-tom, as in tom petty....and the heartbreakers....for those more than 40 it may mean something. Took video of his house and family, all 8 kids. The orphanage shots were good and I got some pic's of some local kids there, so HERE ARE THE PICTURES....

well actually I have to find the camera now......this is how I write stuff. right up to where I need something, THEN I go get it. (pause for effect here)

the first one is of Pastor Mark of the team doing a video shot with a local child inside the orphanage gate. this is the community of Mac Donal. and no, you can't get fries with it. :) the next pic is of some local boys who always gather and watch whenever something like this goes on. a large group of missionaries, especially with high tech camera's will bring every local kid that has nothing better to do. the last one is of a little girl who also came around, very cute kid who just wanted in on what was happening so I took her picture and showed it to her, which caused a big smile.

I think the team got a view of Haiti they had not had. a few had been in Haiti before on this type of clinic, and I think most had some mission experience. listening to them I gathered it was a different type of experience for them this time. I don't think they had actually been out in the "field" you might say, previously as much as this. it is always eye opening to live it. the church we had clinic in Mountrois had no roof over half of the building. the group had previously travelled in closed buses on paved roads. that is not Haiti, and probably won't be for some time, though progress is being made. at least some is. it's been a tiring week, but I know many people received glasses who had not been able to see their whole lives, and many did who would not have any other way during their lives.

I know many church folk's go into fits when you quote James 2:15. "suppose you see a brother or sister who needs food or clothing and you say, "well, good bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat well"-but then you don't give that person any food or clothing. what good does that do?"

God says to have faith in Him IS to believe in Him enough that YOU go out of your way to give to those who have need. Believe me, it is worth it and I am happy to have a small part in it. It is about letting yourself be changed instead of needing to be in control. Once you go, you get stretched outside your comfort zone and realize you'll live. And you get to be part of stuff like this. Very cool.......or sweet, or whatever word your particular generation uses. thanks for listening, bye for now. WAIT........I forgot to announce that I officially am being followed on another blog!!!!!! Thanks Kristin, now I'll stalk you too!! it's all good...someday I might get out of the basement here. :)

Dec 2, 2008

had eye clinic again today. people were lining up at 5:30. Gary and Caroline were at Xaragua with the team again. it is a long drive there and it does not make sense to leave here in the morning to go get them and then return with them, so they were staying there. dealt with workers and power starting at 6. got clinic going when the team got here, but some technical problems delayed things. funny thing how that works out when things get delayed. instead of making for a shorter day....it makes for a longer one. we worked straight thru till about 6, saw 150+ people, and got EVERYONE done today. tomorrow we go to Mountrois to do it again, as well as Thursday. it was a very tiring day for everyone, late in the day some nerves got frayed as will happen, but we got thru it and a lot of good was done for people. so it was worth it. I am tired now, going to take a nice cold shower so I can wake up and still have time to get asleep later.

December 1, 2008

well, for a short while I am stranded at the house. we are having an eye glass clinic at the school and basically have been battling a riot at the gate for the last 2-3 hours. we needed water for the workers so I went out and got a 5 gallon jug at the house. got within about 10 feet of the gate and could not get closer, so I passed it over the crowd to the workers at the gate and came back here. shortly I will see if the crowd has lessened somewhat so that I can get back over.

I hear it is snowing in St. Louis. right now a little quiet snow sounds pretty good. bye for now

November 30, 2008

attempting to learn a little more about my computer here, so I am typing this post on the Notepad feature in Windows tosee if I can do it and then transfer to my blog. yesterday was a microcosm of things here. spent a day at Xaragua, aresort type place while waiting for Gary to pick up the 13 member team from Port and bring them in. they are staying there for their visit. The team will be doing an eye clinic both here in St. Marc and in Mountrois. Dr. Mike Phillipsis a doctor, and opthamologist and apparently about 4 or 5 other things as well and will be running the clinic. His wife Cleo is from the Phillipines and is a nurse who assists in the clinics. other members from Family Harvest Churchin Chicago will be helping in the clinic. Pastor Steve will be preaching this morning at a local church and assisting where possible. Xaragua is beautiful with a wonderful view of the canal between Haiti and the island of La Gonave. I swam in the ocean, we had a wonderful lunch, lounged and waited for Gary to get back. When the team was in we helped them unload and then just chatted to get to know each other.

that was about when the flip side of Haiti struck. I had started feeling a little nauseaous and skipped the dinner we had set up there. Thankfully it didn't hit anyone else, but whatever it was it got it's money's worth out of me. As we started to go, well, I threw up. Then again on the road back to Mac Donal where Bev and Al live. Those of you who have been here understand about the roads. Then again it hit me in downtown St. Marc. Then again about 11:00 after we got home, and again a couple of hours later. I have never been so sick in my life...except when I was young and abused myself with cheap wine while in college. This morning I am feeling significantly better, but I feel like I did about a thousand stomach crunches last night.

school will be out this week while we run the clinic, Monday/Tuesday in St. Marc, Wednesday/Thursday in Mountrois, and Friday is a travel day to get the team back. problems have already come up, as the eyeglasses they brought in to give to the people were held up in customs and Gary has to go back on Monday to get them..in Port. Then he has to go back on Tuesday to get the church video guy who is filming stuff. Then on Friday to return the team to Port for the flight home. And somewhere in there, sooner rather than later I pray, I will stop throwing up. sounds like a plan for the week! will update with pic's of the clinic hopefully if my stomach allows. bye for now. (it worked, pasted and it was good!)

November 28, 2008

the day after Thanksgiving...you ALWAYS wish you had it off too! Oh, well, we only had a half day today for school so that wasn't bad. We have chapel service in the morning and then Bible classes for the middle and older age kids. My class of kids ranges from about 8 to maybe 12 years old and for the most part they are ok, just being KIDS. In my regular class one of the students, Kensson, is close to expulsion. He is passive aggressive and just doesn't want to cooperate. Gary told him today he can't return w/o his aunt coming with him to discuss the situation. I pray he relaxes a little and can have this be a good experience for him, but that will be up to him. Also, please pray for Tara, she is an older girl, daughter of two of the Haitian staff members. She is about 18 and a pretty girl, but you can look at her and see she just doesn't fit in well socially. She is a loner when the kids have free time, only really spending time with the smaller kids in horse play. She appears most comfortable one on one, and tries to do this with the older boys. PROBLEM! I know she is lonely and just doesn't know how to make friends easily. I fear she will do so in a very inappropriate way, but reality is that it happens all the time here as well as everywhere else. She is looking for someone to make her happy, you can see it in her eyes, I hope it turns out well for her.

It is difficult to not get involved with the kids and staff's personal issues because you can see them so obviously much of the time, and you want to do something to help. The sad part is when you really can't help, all you can do is put a bandaid on it and make them feel better for a short while, then reality relentlessly returns and they are right back where they started...in Haiti and poor. The truth is the biggest problems you see in people arent' really economic ones, in my opinion. They are interpersonal, relationship, spiritual ones. It seems Haitians are, well, angry often, at whites and at each other. While they support each other, it is mostly out of cultural duty, very legalistic in a sense, and leads to more resentment, etc.. I guess what I don't see here is freedom in any real sense. You can be poor but free, and it seems to me that Haitians for the most part are not. They seem bound up in poorly conceived relationships often (you know them, dysfunctional meets dysfunctional and they create a dysfunctional home to teach their kids how to be....dysfunctional) and they don't know how to get themselves right. Maybe that is poverty and it's results in some way, I am not a sociologist or psychologist. So many of the problems you see really can't be fixed by money. Kind of like in America, most people need personal growth to change their lives so that their circumstances don't have such a hold over them.

well, onto the future. Tomorrow a team comes in from the States, an eye clinic team that will test and provide glasses and treatment for visual problems as they can. It will run next week in St. Marc 2 days, then in Mountrois for 2 days before they leave on Friday. I am told these clinics are usually loaded with people seeking help and can get very hectic so I look forward to some busy days. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures also. Hope everyone is having a good day after Thanksgiving, bye for now.

November 27, 2008

Today I am thankful for family and friends, who love and support me even when I don't deserve it. I am thankful for the absolute beauty of this wonderful island I am on, including the tropical plants and birds, the majestic mountains, the ocean, and the most beautiful night sky I have ever seen. I am thankful for opportunities to do things that get me out of my box. I am thankful for those who have helped me become who I am, who help me in who I am now, and will help me in the future to be whom I will be.

I am thankful for the confusion and doubt that creeps into my mind from time to time, as it allows my soul to grow in ways I haven't before, and I am thankful for differences I don't understand, those cultural things that help me see both that my way isn't always the best, and to see that my way isn't that bad after all. I am thankful for electricity, running water, medicine etc., as I see that life without them can be difficult for many. I am thankful for stop signs and traffic laws, as I now understand in ways I didn't before how they save lives.

I am thankful I don't know it all and that over the last few years I finally began to understand that in a very real way. Thinking you're the only one with a clue is a burden. I am thankful for the children who see so much more clearly than I do now in so many ways.

I regret much in my own life. I regret that most people in my country think that "the problem" is the economy when it is really so much more. Most of all, I am thankful for God, who delivers to me mercy and grace, and see's me with vision that covers my many faults. I am thankful for Jesus who provided me with that covering of His sacrifice on the cross thru love and love alone, and for the Spirit that leads and guides me, if I will only stop long enough to listen. My hope is that I take that time to listen for that still, small voice of God, and that others will also.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

November 24, 2008

school is very busy these days. it seems like all I do is grade tests, help in other classes and try to keep my kids busy and in line. we have another student, D'Jean, who is transferring from another school. he is not pleased with the move and I hope he will come around soon. it can be very hard to change schools in the middle of the year, more so given the circumstances here and some of the reasons they change. things like, one parent re married and their new spouse doesn't like having kids around and makes the parent send one back to Haiti where schools are cheaper and the kid won't be in their hair. this or things very similar happen REGULARLY. the kids view it as punishment and blame and you can see in their faces how hard it is.

dealt today with some staff problems. it is very hard here to really trust the Haitian staff. please don't tell me I'm biased, it is based on their lack of trust of the missionaries. if you want to argue that this is caused by some of the misionaries here, I won't argue that point. but in individual relationships, trust is VERY hard to come by, especially between the Haitians and the blans. a staff member came to me and asked for money and said I couldn't tell Gary because he would get mad. so Gary called her and her husband in (he was in on it also) and we had a talk, not angry but informative. I wound up giving them the money she asked for, it was a small amount. an effort to build trust. but they know not to do it again. I felt bad as the husband basically let his wife take the whole blame, made an excuse for himself to get out of it which we all knew was false. relationships are so hard here, and unfortunately that leads to very superficial. and that does not lead to trust. but "we endeavor to persevere".

got to drive in Haiti the first time Saturday!!! Gary is ordering his new right side mirror for his truck now. :) I feel bad but driving here is INSANE, and the capitals are not enough to express how insane it is. so we go on. another trip to Rousseau tomorrow, I will try and get more pics and a short movie to send. hope all is well with everyone out there in middle America. bye for now.

November 21, 2008

so a few days ago we went to Rousseau, a small mountain side (top?) village a few miles south of St. Marc. it is in a really beautiful setting, with a view of a valley below it, with mountains around it. the first pic is going up the mountain. while it isn't a huge mountain, even by Haitian standards, it is amazing to think that the people regularly walk up and down this to get where they are going and what they need. at the turn off from the main road there are a few houses, one of them belonging to the local witch doctor, who sells magic charms, herbs, etc for healing of sickness, and of course provides curses and the normal services of said witch doctors. the road up the mountain is barely a mountain bike path, crossing a stream at the bottom and filled with rocks, crevices, etc. this is the better part of the road, the rest is bad enough you have to hold on a lot so pic's are hard to get. once at the top it is beautiful. we had a church service with some adults and mainly children and teen's. the village is said to have about 250 people, but Gary and Caroline doubt it has that many and from what I saw I would be surprised it had 150. the setting of the village itself is not as picturesque with huts built against the background of dirt. it was getting late and we were beginning to lose light so I did not have lot's of time to get more pic's of the houses, will try for more next time. we had a church service with mostly kids as stated. it really was good, they were responsive and enjoyed it. this is one of the places that Gary and Caroline go to provide Christmas dinner for the people. the church is a small building apart from the rest of the village, no power so we had to get going so Caroline could still have enough light to read her sermon! I got a few more pic's in low light so I hope they post ok. this is the kind of place a developer in the states would put a road in, put some expensive homes on top and let them enjoy the view. here it is still beautiful, but it is for the poor because it is not convenient to get to. when it rains or hurricanes come they are isolated, it is pretty impossible to get in or out except by walking if even that. I have some more pic's that are in low light I'll have to work on to see if they can be used. The people are friendly if shy, and they appear to appreciate the attention, I guess is the right thing to say. this is the place where materials are being donated to help rebuild houses damaged by the hurricanes, hopefully before it gets into dry season and it gets REALLY dry and dusty. Just a day in the life of a guy in Haiti.

November 19, 2008

just a minute to update. cool and cloudy all day with a breeze....very nice. the kids complained all day about how cold it was! probably about 80. have pic's of Rousseau to post, will do so later. school is going well actually. I am learning how to be a teacher. on the downside, Myberson started physics today. so now I am working on algebra to help him in that, physics also, and geometry and all it's 10 millions theorems for Kesmy. maybe I'll open a tutor business when I get back! watch out teens! when I'm back I'll check you on your homework!! hope to post later, busy tonight with unloading the truck when Gary and Caroline get back from Port which should be momentarily. they went for food/supplies for the next 6 weeks or so. will unload, stock, figure out the power stuff more, then work on physics. will try to post tonight, if not will do so tomorrow. unless of course something else comes up then I will post...later! God bless to all, bye for now.

November 18, 2008

going to Rousseau later again, will take camera, hope to have pic's to post. batteries/inverter stuff is a pain. when it seems fixed, it falls apart; when it seems totally done, it starts working well again. Rony is back home with her Mom, and the step father is out of the house for now. we'll see how long that lasts. our school kids were not happy today, it is a holiday and the rest of the schools were off for the celebration of the beginning of the Haitian battle to free it self from slavery from France. but they lived thru it. will be busy later, need to catch up on more geometry for Kesmy, and Myberson is starting physics.... :( will post pic's from Rousseau as I can.

November 17, 2008

facing some serious power problems here. battery problems that could entail the replacement of the entire bank of batteries in order to sustain power. if so the cost will be around $1300, so would appreciate prayer that we will find the problem and be able to fix it for considerable less.

still hot and humid, school is going fairly well, regular "being in Haiti issues". Jessica went home today. She may return or she may not. Jess, I hope you find your way. don't sweat the small stuff, just let it happen and don't push it. She is a very good person and I wish her well if we don't meet again soon. bye for now

November 16, 2008

I have been thinking a lot about faith recently, and what it really means. I know "faith is the evidence of things unseen" and other definitions but I am thinking about what that REALLY means to me personally. Life in Haiti will make you think, and for me that can be a painful process! There are so many situations that you see that make you question, well, pretty much everything about what you believe. It seems to me that "faith" in some regards will develop as a thought and a concept within the context of your culture. In the US, "faith" seems to me to be a prepackaged after the fact thing. Please understand I do not mean for all, but I think this is it for many. We have faith in what has already been done, if you understand what I mean. We live in a place of prosperity and relative peace and life is really pretty easy compared to most of the rest of the world. When we come to church and the pastor speaks of faith, it is relatively easy to say to ourself "yeah, God has been good to the US, I can have faith in that". We see the circumstances around us and can believe in what God has done and it is easy to believe in that, and then to live in the consequences of that previously offered grace and blessing. We have some view for the future but based on what we have seen in the past (meaning the past few years of our own lives) we trust God to continue to do His good work for us.

When I came here, faith became a different proposition. You see things you don't see in the states. You see people in cicumstances that just don't exist for the most part in the US. It makes me think about what faith is for these people, or if they even think of faith as something to consider. I wonder how we in the US would respond to the teaching of our pastors if we lived in the circumstances that so many of the people in Haiti. The people here seem, to me at least, to live their lives day to day, even hour to hour, with no plan or attempt to accomodate their future. In some ways the attitude is likely more healthy for them as opposed to our constant worrying about virtually everything. It seems we have taken that part of life to an extreme, and to our detriment. The Haitians have taken the opposite approach it seems, and to the same extreme we have taken our worry and concern and planning for our cicumstances, many Haitians seem to have adopted the what will be, will be approach. There is some planning of course, but it does not seem to be extensive. Please don't think I am saying that no Haitians ever plan anything and just sit around all day. What I am trying to say is that their planning seems to be concerned with the next few days, at most. Long term planning for development doesn't seem to be an important issue for most people. So you wind up with schools that aren't engineered for permanence, and the results can be catastrophic. For many people it seems like their lives are engineered the same way. The local circumstances lend themselves to this, as for many the struggle is to stay alive day to day. However there are those who are successful and run businesses obviously. These folks obviously must plan for more than day to day. The street people are the ones I speak of. And I don't know if I would be any different, honestly. So circumstances lead us to change our focus I guess.

Returning to our faith question, then how easy is it to see and believe and trust in the unseen God? If God won't provide what I need NOW why should I trust him? If this God won't give me what I want now I'll seek it elsewhere. Gary asked his Bible study class what happens when people pray to God for something and then don't get it. The answer was that they go to the witch doctors. The immediacy of the issues overwhelms the trust in God. For those who believe, then the question is how to overcome the lack of trust to get to the point where we develop faith? Or maybe it is to instill faith so that trust will grow? Either way, missionaries here seem to have had little impact in doing that specific thing and I don't pretent to have any answers. Humanitarian missions have a much easier task. It is not hard to find physical needs here to respond to. The spiritual missions have an infinitely more difficult task, and one that it seems must be seperate from the humanitarian issue. Any time you mix the spiritual with the humanitarian, the Haitian will see only the humanitarian, it seems. They are focused on living and their things to the point that the spiritual focus is lost. Unfortunately, it reminds me of home so much. How can we have true faith for what God will do for us if we are only focused on the current benefits of past blessings, or the immediacy of our current needs as we see them. It seems that both those well off and those not so well off fall in to the same category of lacking a vision for the future. The Bible says that w/o a vision the people will die. So maybe we are more alike that we seem. We lose sight of the amazing things that God wants to do for us as we reduce Him to keeping us where we are (US) or in just meeting basic needs (Haiti). It seems that our human condition lends itself perfectly to losing sight of God regardless of circumstances. How can we learn to really trust in who God is if we are unwilling to step out to that undefined place of real faith, walking that high wire w/o a net, if our vision is only in keeping ourself where we are, or limit Him to just today? Jeremiah, Ezekiel and other OT prophets condemned Israel for their trust in their riches and their stuff. Recall when Jesus said to the rich man all he had to do to have eternal life was to give up his wealth and give to the poor. The rich man went away sad as he could not part with his stuff. Or likewise how can Haitians see God for who He is if all they focus on is now? In Hebrews 12 it says to make sure you are not godless or immoral like Esau who traded his birthright for a single meal, which is what I see in Haiti.

In Hebrews 11-12 it speaks of those of faith who lived for God. The writer speaks of those who overthrew kingdoms, rules with justice, shut the mouths of lions, and were strong in battle. Their weaknesses were turned to strengths (H 11:34). That is the kind of faith in what can be that I am talking about. They had weaknesses they could not trust in their immediate condition but God make them more than they could be alone, without Him. Immediately after this it recites those who trusted God also but were tortured, mocked, ridiculed, beaten, oppressed and mistreated, often martyred. They were too good for this world. So the walk of faith does not seem to me to be about effecting our circumstances, but about our faith regardless of the circumstances. The faith is not in how we are blessed but in who God is, and in trusting in Him.

"Enter by the narrow gate for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" Matthew 7: 13/14. I guess this means more to me now that it did before. Coming to Haiti I thought I could help change some things. I guess I am the one being changed more than anything else. bye for now.

November 14, 2008

have had some requests for "living conditions" posts. so, here goes. I am sitting here on the "porch" here on the 2nd floor listening to the goats and sheeps as they walk the street with the people. the pigs generally don't congregate in the street, but stay in the garbage pile about a hundred feet away. people pile their garbage there and every now and then someone drops a match. the people who live behind the garbage pile...well, I'm glad I don't live there. this is a view up the street from the school area to the house. Jessica is walking Rony to the house. The ambulance is a curious thing. it was purchased by our neighbor Albert, one of the undertakers in town. and it sat there for months before he got it fixed and now it sits again. to each his own I guess! the garbage pile is just to the left of the ambulance. Oh, the garbage pile we BURN is to the left. To the right is the garbage pile that, well, is just a pile. I guess there are rules for this but I don't know what they are yet. the next pic is a shot of the outside of the house we live. the tangled mess in the front is razor wire, but it is old and rusty and not really very razory, if you know what I mean. spider webs abound around the wire. the upstairs is the outdoor porch where we sit and peruse the Haitian culture. when everything is going, the air can be quite lousy. we are some distance from the main roads, but the diesel smoke, garbage fires, cooking fires, animals, thousands of small motorcycles that serve as taxi's, make it a unique place! Unique enough to be quite like the rest of Haiti!. we have running water which is a blessing. the electricity is becoming more of an iffy proposition. the inverter and battery storage is acting up. the batteries are discharging very quickly, and 7 have already been replaced this year at cost of about $1000 US. and it appears there may need to be more replaced. Gary is thinking as the money is not in the budget. But as all real Haitians do... :)..... we get by and know things will work out. the house is actually not bad at all. we have a fridge AND freezer and fans to sleep with and of course, computers. so we are not exactly David Brainerd travelling to India in the 1790's but it is not the US. whoa, a herd of goats just went by. Lately we have had irregularly a platoon of UN soldiers come by jogging for conditioning I guess. they always have at least 6 with weapons, one on each corner, two in the middle on each side of the group. we wave of course. it is a policy here to wave and smile to those with guns. I don't see shotguns and such hardly any at all anymore in the general population. the first trips it was regular to see a third of the men on the street with a weapon, gun or machete, here or in Mountrois. much better now! Well, there is s start. I'll post more this weekend and you'll have a better "picture" of my life in Haiti. bye for now

November 12, 2008

This is Rony. She is staying with us tonight, Her situation has gone from bad to worse, but we hope and pray it will be temporary. Unfortunately,we have no cures for all the ills here. Often what you can do goes from day to day. She is still smiling though, and that pleases us all. My information tells me that Rony will be difficult to adopt. The process will be 2-3 years, cost minimum $10,000 US, and there is no guarantee the government will let her leave. So please pray for her that all things will work out as best they can. Thank you all.

November 9, 2008

went to Clean Water for Haiti, Chris and Leslie Rollings ministry today for mission meeting. They had a pair of short term missionaries there gathering info to take back to their church for fund raising and prayer. Earl and Ron seemed very nice guys. Hurricane Paloma was in Cuba last night and today, and the shore line at Clean Water had waves I have not seen there before, big crashing waves. last night the waves came up so high it brought sand into their yard. a few houses down from them their are some well off folks that have....had....a big power boat. the waves last night apparently grounded the boat, flipped it over and they had to have it hauled away for repair today. listening to the waves actually was quite pleasant for me though, as we sang and worshipped. it reminded me of Florida and the teenagers and how peaceful that beach was at night. so it was a very enjoyable time. Chris met everyone at the door and said "did you hear about yesterday?". and we looked at each other and said, "no". then he said, "oh, well, Leslie is pregnant". and APPARENTLY they had agreed to tell everyone when we were all seated together. Leslie was slightly miffed about being cut out of the news cycle, but she took it gracefully. so congratulations to Chris and Leslie Rollings! they have adoptive daughter Olivia, and another on the way. good thing they're young..... :) then on the ride home, Haiti set me back in my place. as we were coming down the road for the turn up the hill to the house here, a group of young males saw the truck and shouted out a.....greeting, sort of. and as I was the only one in the back of the truck, I smiled and waved. which prompted them to....greet me some more. I can laugh this stuff off now, though it does make me cautious about being on the street. just have to watch your step here. hope all is well with everyone at home. pray if you will that it will get warm about Dec 17th or so and stay that way until, say Jan 7th or so. much appreciated! bye for now

Rony

I am looking now for a picture of this little girl from school. Caroline says she has one but can't find it now. I will get one next week if need be to post here. Rony is her name. She is about 10, maybe 12. There is no birth certificate. She is a very sweet girl, smart...and in need of a home. I hesitate to put this out but it has been on my heart all week, I feel like I must. Rony lives with an alcoholic father in law, who actually works at the school. He is a fairly decent worker, though there are issues, but is an angry man. That is common here, anger is a huge problem. The life people live leads to frustration and despair and it comes out in feelings of helplessness and lack of control over ones life. I see it and I have been here so few months now. He is...a bad father to Rony. He is physically abusive to her, let's leave it at that. Her mother has other children living in different places in the country, and that is also very common here. She has children by several men, and now has two small boys who live with them. Rony's father in law is their father. The mother is not supportive of Rony in almost any way. some of you may be familiar with the term "restavek". These are children who are basically slaves in their own house. Most are given up by the families they live with to work for relatives or other families who can provide at least food for them. Unfortunately it becomes a very abusive relationship usually, the children are slave labor and are treated very badly. Rony is practically a restavek in he own home. She has to do significant work, does not have adequate shoes (which will be alleviated this week) and her clothes come from the mission here. She receives little more than the 4 day a week lunch at school to eat and it shows. (Fridays is a half day, there is no lunch). I don't know really how to say this, but I fear that if Rony is not adopted by someone her life will take a very sad, tragic turn at some point. She has a wonderful heart, is very sweet and desperately wants someone to love her. it is so obvious in her eyes and her manners.

some of you may be asking "why don't you do something there, make it stop!" and I wish I could. Treatment of children this way is not illegal here and even it it was there is little if any law enforcement for those who can't defend themselves. As we read daily in the Bible (one year reading program) it talks of how innocents were treated in the Old Testament...and the New Testament. these things don't change, people are still people and abuse continues. Haiti reminds me of an Old Testament country. Sadly so. I am asking for prayer for Rony. I am asking for support for her. The mission pays for her clothes and food, for the most part. donations could be made to Touch Ministries, 417 Rebecca St., New Martinsville, WV 26155. If anyone feels led to sponsor her please contact me thru the blog first or at my e mail at dr333joshu@hotmail.com. And I am asking that if anyone feels the want in their own life to adopt a young 3rd world girl to love and care for, I know how to help you. :) Believe it or not, even abusive parents are almost always willing to give up kids for adoption here, as I am told. Adoption is not easy from Haiti, especially when parents are really alive. But it can be done, and is regularly. If you know of anyone who is thinking of adoption, please pray and see if this is something you could present to them as an option. This is a story that is far too common here. Rony is not the only one in need. But she is the one I know of that maybe I can help do something for. thanks for reading. I will post a picture of Rony as soon as possible.

November 8 ,2008

internet access has been very spotty recently. we have had uncharacteristically cloudy days and it messes with the satellite. you have a connection then you don't, so I just gave up for awhile. warm here still, highs each day in the 90's with humidity in thge 70's at best. nights are starting to cool some though, so the early mornings are actually not bad...until the sun comes up over the mountain behind us! warms up quick then. went thru a bout of dehydration, getting over that now. I have learned the importance of salting most everything you eat here. it is needed to retain fluids. so I salt now, and I am feeling better. Jessica had a bout of dengue fever she is getting over. It was a fairly mild bout as dengue goes (as I am told) but she still felt really bad for about a week. and life goes on. school is moving along, kids are doing their best to avoid working, but love recess and lunch. why would I be surprised at that? kids are kids everywhere I guess.

I had not heard about the school collapse in Port until my son Luke told me about it. I pray the kids get out alive. seeing construction practices here I am really AMAZED this type of thing doesn't happen regularly. I am not a construction person, so I can't judge well, but others who know (and some of what we take for common sense) would indicate these things are possible. the concrete blocks used for constuction are very poor quality usually. they are not pressed, they use a bad mixture and the blocks..NEW blocks..can be broken by hand some times when doing finishing work. the construction at the orphanage going on now confirms this. Gary and I went there yesterday to deliver some supplies and Al told me that Joe, the worker from school who has some mason skills, was breaking the blocks by hand to fit in rebar reinforcement. nothing here is square, everything is "eyeballed" and it shows. the rebar is literally what provides most of the support for the buildings. this house we are in was built in the early 90's, I am told. And truth be told it is in not bad shape. but a 20 year old concrete block building with rebar support in the states would be in MUCH better shape. so the next time you c/o the local building codes that run up the costs, think twice. it may be overkill, but it may also save your life.

I have several things to blog on now but I don't want to run them into one long "war and peace" blog, you know, a thousand pages long and after you are done you can't remember anything that was in it! so I will end this now, let everyone know things are going pretty well. I am even picking up a little creole here and there. So I will end this with a request for those that do. "Yo bezwen nou priye". They need our prayer. thanks for reading. bye for now.

Nov 2,2008

greetings to all. haven't been blogging last few days due to a case of dehydration I am still recovering from. I had lost quite a bit of weight the first 2 months here and of course I KNEW it was mostly water weight, but why be concerned? I had been feeling poorly for a couple of weeks and this week it became nausea, dizziness, weakness, etc. after inhaling salt and water for a few days, I am feeling better. I don't use salt hardly at all, and as I would sweat I was losing it w/o replacing it, therefore losing fluids. Not fun. so I take salt daily now, and drink LOTS of water, to the point I really can hardly stand it. Jessica on the other hand is recovering from dengue fever. Rash, sore throat, malaise, recurring fever though in this case it has been pretty mild for what it could have been so we are all grateful for that.

last night it rained hard for a couple of hours, hadn't had that kind of rain since the hurricane's ended. It actually has been rather nice the last few mornings and evenings, things are starting to cool some here. days are still warm, but it certainly makes it easier to sleep which is a real blessing. we now have piped in water!!!!! amazing how those things happen here. Gary bough the plastic pipe, Marco and helpers from school dug a trench thru the street to the other side of the road where the bigger feed pipe is, and a guy from the city comes out and connects it. you shovel dirt over the pipe and voila! water in the house! now, it's kind of yucky water, but it is for dishes, showering, etc. it is clear, it just has a very mineral taste to it and you really don't want to drink it anyway. we still drink bottled water. but it is much cheaper than bringing in a tanker truck to fill the cisterns. and fairly soon, we may have electricity regularly!! seems if you are willing to buy your own transformer (and a group locally is setting this up for the local 8 houses) you can get power pretty much whenever the generators are running instead of when they decide to give it to your area. Living high in Haiti! :) I pray all is well with everyone home, everyone take care, will post more later. bye for now.....

Oct 28, 2008

received some potentially good news today. I have already been offered a summer job for next year...at the VA where I worked before! received an e mail from Julie the new chief of audiology who says she has talked with the ent/audiology supervisor and they both would agree to offer me summer work as an audiologist next year. a wonderful blessing for me, as I won't have to fret over what to do next summer or how to pay bills or..you know, all the money things. I think that calls for a celebration of sorts. I will be breaking out the Oreo's here. (YES, Oreo's are available in Haiti, even DOUBLE STUFF'S!!!!!) it will be a night to remember I'm sure. :) prayers and blessings to everyone, just wanted to share that, it was a real encouragement and frankly I kind of needed one. bye for now

Oct 25,2008

It occurs to me as I have been here for a less brief period, that Haiti is a vertical country. The very name "Haiti" means mountain, or something close to it. When I was at Canaan, the answer to where someone or something was always was either "up" or "down". Up the mountain or down the mountain, sideways didn't enter the equation. "Over there" was a rare occurrence, especially since if they said it, I would not have understood it anyway, so I may be taking some literary license here. But the idea is that the country appears to me to be a vertical kind of place.

The view from the rooftop looking down to the bay provides a small sample. The houses spread out below to a rather beautiful view, almost idyllic if you don't look closely at the details of life. However if you turn around, you get s sample of "up" here. (Forgive the stupidity of the photog who waited till almost dark to take these. He has been severely chastised.)

There are far more views I wish I had pictures of to share to demonstrate this, but suffice for now that this is what I perceive as the Haitian experience. Either "up" or "down". Jessica, one of the other missionaries here, told me when I discussed this with her that the language kind of goees that way also. She notices so many times people ask for "a little" of this or that, I would think based on the fact there isn't much of it to start with, whatever it is.

A paradox here is that those who live "up" as in the picture are in fact part of the "down" crowd. Those houses are really high and EVERYTHING is carried there, including water, food and fuel. It is a very hard life. Conversely, Gary told me that much of the rice land here was bought by the "bourgeious" land owners so they......could let it lay there. The UP's financially buy land to let it do nothing? So how did these folks come to own most of Haiti? Because they realized they could import rice and make more money doing that as opposed to having local rice production. So they get rid of any possible competition that could drive down prices. (and speaking non business wise, also feed so many more people). I have a real problem with that in a nation with so many who lack so much basic to life. It seems so imperious but I guess that is the way of the "UP's"(not where they live but what they have. I know it is very confusing) as I may choose to label them. I guess I can't single them out, as it appears so many of those "UP's" in the US do the same, only far more efficiently. With local production, things happen like jobs. A good thing I would think in a country like this, but I digress. So the microcosm of those who have.."UP".. versus those who don't.."DOWN".. seems appropriate to me. There appears to be very little "middle" here. In Port there appears to be some of what we Yankees would call "middle class". but away from there, and I admit my experience is limited but I will go with it for now, there appears to be little "middle" here. And those who strive for it usually fail, as far as I can see. There are some business owners who do well, but most are day to day, or at most week to week. Even the workers for the school here struggle. They are paid good wages compared to most here but getting by is very hard. The paradox I have been told is that if you pay significantly more than the locals feel a job is worth, then it is very hard to get them to work at it. Kind of self defeating for those who might aspire to be "middle" it seems. So it appears one of my first impressions will be one of the best I have here. The more I learn about Haiti, the less I know it, or at least understand it. For those of you who read this are think I have lost my mind, I will find it difficult to argue the point. Hopefully I have confused you more. If so, then I can say my work is done for today! bye for now.

Oct 23, 2008

well, the humidity has been about 90% for probably the last 3 weeks. with daytime temps in the mid 90's, the "feel like index" has to be somewhere around 3 or 4 million degrees. on the internet it says it is usually around 105 during the day, but I feel they underestimate this. I am looking for a cooler place to spend a few days to recover...like the planet Mercury. I thought I was adjusting well to the heat, as others c/o it's effects while I trooped on. But it has caught up with me the last few days and I AM TIRED OF SWEATING 24 HOURS A DAY. on the up side, I am losing weight....of course I AM passing out several times a day from lack of fluids, but I am sure it will work itself out eventually. :)

above is a picture of my students. Left to right are Myberson, Kesmy, Sophonie, James, Kennson, and Pony. they are a pretty good bunch of students really. James and Pony are 19-20 years old and are pushing thru school after being in Haitian schools earlier in life. James was in Haitian schools up till last year, and it shows. Haitian schools primarily focus-from what everyone tells me-on memorizing answers to tests so you can pass, whether you learn the material or not. It shows on so many of these kids who start here mid way or later in their education. Myberson is planning on moving back to the states next year to finish high school in New Jersey where his family lives, and then going on to Tulane University in New Orleans. He is a bright guy and I don't doubt he can do it. Kesmy, many of you know. He is trying to get to the states next year to start Bible college. His English is still an issue but he is improving. Sophonie is steady. She works day by day, gets stuff done w/o dazzling but is bright and wants to be a mother and wife. She usually has a "posse" of smaller girls around her all the time, as she is the lone older girl in school, she is 15. Kennson started late this year, he came from the states under trying circumstances and has struggled some to find his place here. He is starting to find it though, as he played soccer with the other kids today on the 20 foot playground they have for the first time today. Pony lost his right leg several years ago and now has a prosthetic leg. He does fair with it, but it will limit him as far as any physical labor here, which is the majority of available jobs. He has improved significantly this year in his math, and after initially saying he wanted to be a doctor (a brief conversation about the 10 years or so of college and internship's may have had something to do with that) he now wants to be an accountant, for which he has some possibilities. so there is the crew, I pray I just don't mess things up with them.

footnote: please pray for Nancy and the kids from her school, a school in SW Haiti that is having a spate of seizures with kids. Very unusual seizures that don't fit any medical profile that anyone here is finding. some may understand. These kids need prayer, significant prayer. thanks in advance for those who do. bye for now.

Oct 21, 2008

got some very good news today. one of the h aid companies I worked with while in the VA is going to send me the necessary equipment and software to use my personal computer to adjust Carolines hearing aids I got her about a year ago. I guess you have to be an audiologist to appreciate this! I truly am very appreciative of this and I hope it will allow me to possibly follow some roads here to set up an audiology practice in the future. As far as I know I would be the first practicing audiologist in Haiti. I'll have to have an official t-shirt for the occasion, of course. suggestions are appreciated on how to design the shirt, as my artistic skills are......non existent! it made me happy so I just wanted to share. have a good day wherever you are. :)

Oct 20,2008

I have some pictures from the hurricane season, courtesty of Caroline. these were basically from late August to late Sept. the pic's kind of speak for themselves.

upper left is a woman and her children who lost everything when their house was swept away. the husband is out looking for food at this time, this is how they were living. Part of the hurricane relief money received by Gary/Caroline went to take care of this family. they received food, a place to stay (thru a years rent money) and the money to start a small business to take care of themselves. Gary and I talked about how different people do different things to help. Their idea, and I agree with it, is to take a few people and get them back on their feet, as opposed to feeding many for a short while. Upper right is a picture of the brother and nephew of one of the Haitian workers for the mission here, Pierre. His brothers home was destroyed in the flood of Gonaives and his son was badly injured when he was crushed by a tree when they were swept away with it. It is a real miracle they survived. The small boy had a crushed leg and broken pelvis and is still recovering. His father, Pierre's brother, is HIV positive and his outlook is not good. Care for HIV pt's here is available but they would rather forego care as opposed to admitting they have it. Pierre will likely have his nephew to take care of in the not to far off future.

Middle left is a picture of a house that had a tree fall on it. the tree was removed by machete over a long time. the family has others to care for them at least for awhile. Middle right is a picture of the bridge at Mountrois. If you notice the railing on the right it is straight. The railing on the left....isn't. The support for the bridge was swept away by flooding. A replacement military type bridge was constructed and is in place now. Unfortunately temporary replacements become permanent here. We pray they will fix (replace) the damaged bridge before next hurricane season. If not the temporary replacement will go in the next bad storm.

Bottom left is a house that was swept away by flood waters. The family (to my information) was swept away as the house collapsed and has not been found.

These things are typical of what happened nationwide during the hurricanes. They were repeated hundreds of times all over the country. Families are living with other members of their family over all the country. Displaced persons are everywhere. But, life goes on here. They don't let disaster or death keep them from looking for tomorrow. For many, that is all they look forward to.

I hope this helps put a face on some of the disasters that have happened here. Life is finding it's "even keel" here. It is more difficult, harder for many here, but Haitians keep on keepin' on. You have to admire them for it. They find a way. Maybe not the best, or perfect way. But a way. bye for now.

Monday Oct 13

Ok, time for my political post. some of you that know me know that at one time I was very political, researched issues, read everything I could get on candidates, etc. Well, I am past that addiction now. and thank God for it. I have read really very little at all of the articles about the election this year. I receive some e mails telling me about how bad the political climate is at home, the absolutism of both sides. It makes me wonder where the common purpose of America went to? We have so many problems, and really in my opinion no one is addressing them. I have come to the conclusion that politicians are not the answer, they are the problem. How long have we heard that THIS election is an election of CHANGE and after this we will live happily ever after....IF we vote for candidate A, B or C. This has been going on for decades and things don't get better. We are $10 trillion in debt with a political divide that rivals 3rd world gang warfare. My belief is that "policies" aren't the answer. Because let's face it, policies are designed to get votes to get re-elected. Maybe I am just older and cynical. Unless we come to a common purpose, and a common set of beliefs, grounded in our faith in God, America will not survive as the nation we have come to know. And I don't mean faith in God that we all get to live wonderful middle class lives, with $300,000 homes and 3 cars and boats. Or faith in God that it revolves around ME so I can sin in any way and it's ok, because I'm just fullfilling my destiny. I mean faith in God that we live a simple but comfortable life, spending our money wisely, putting God first in our lives and trusting Him. Jesus said that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all your heart and to love others as yourself. Maybe if we spent more time worrying about our neighbor and less about ourselves, we might find out that life works out pretty well after all. Since that is what I believe, and I have seen absolutely NO hope that either political party has a real clue, I have no interest in politics anymore. All we'll get is another politician. So, political messages concluded for the next 30 years or so. :)

Saturday, Oct 11

I haven't thought this out much, I am just shooting from the hip here, so if there are parts that don't make sense, please overlook that. (those that know me will understand). As I have been here for a little time now, I have thought and discussed with people about missions and the work here. I came with a focus on what I had specifically agreed to do here, teach in school even though I had never really taught before. My students I'm sure wish I had taught somewhere before! But as I have relaxed a little and gotten used to the life and how things work here, I gain a wider focus. I look more at the people and the culture and myself and my culture and my beliefs. I do not question my beliefs about Jesus and God, this life even more so reinforces those thoughts. What I begin to question is how I interpreted them from my middle American lifestyle and, again, culture.

Having been here several times previously, I learn a little more each time about myself and others. The Haitian way is often completely at odds with what I see as common sense. As I gain my wider focus, I can see that some of that is probably my own biases about what I expect out of life. I also see that some of it is because Haitian ways are, at times, contradictory and self defeating. Haiti is not a perfect country and I do not fall into the group that see's all people groups as honorable and perfect. If Haitian ways were that wonderful, then the country would not have the problems it has now. Despite what many will say, America has not caused all the problems in the world, most people cause the majority of their own problems. We have created our problems in America because of our own views and mistakes, and to think that Haiti has not done the same is not being honest. However I can see that some Haitian ways are challenging me in what I "believe" or expect of this process called life. As I came here I fully expected myself to change and I am. Maybe not fast enough for those who really know me!

As I said I have been here several times. Part of what I am learning is that my expectations for what God would have me do here has changed. In reading the book about Brother Lawrence (Practicing the Presence of God) he has a very interesting point. He said it isn't that God will judge you by how amazing your work is, just in how much you love when you do it. I am losing my "I need to fix stuff" attitude because I can't fix myself, let alone a nation. I am focusing on today and doing what is here as best I can, while trying dilligently to always make enough time for me to talk with God and to listen for answers. I am aware that my attitude of expectation limits what God can do with me and thru me. Brother Lawrence just did what he was called to do each day, and he tried to do it with as much love for God as he could, realizing he would fail at times and not being horrified when he did. He almost expected to fail and sin at times because he recognized sin as his own nature. As I do. So as I recognize more and more the lack of any outstanding accomplishment I can do for God (I am pretty sure He is ok w/o me) I become more able to not try to DO for Him as much as RELY on Him. I wonder how many short term missionaries (and I aware of more than a few) have come into a place and had THEIR idea's about what God needed them to do for Him, and never released themselves into God's grace or provision for the moment. In Matthew Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment and He answered to love the Lord your God with all your heart, AND to love your neighbor as yourself. In fact Jesus said that the WHOLE of the message of the book and the prophets was encompassed in this. Jesus linked the spiritual life of loving God with all your heart and seeking Him, with our earthly duties of loving our neighbor.

How we do that seems to be the crux of the matter. When we seperate the spiritual from the earthly we are unbalanced, im my opinion. Missions work to accomplish goals w/o total reliance on God, and willingness to follow a new plan He may give, is useless both for ourselves and the people we seek to "help", i.e., make more like us. And how do we honor God when we seek Him at the cost of refusing to accept, or limiting our lives in the physical world which God gave us? Again, it seems I am left at "getting over myself" and seeing that the people around me are an extension of God. not that they are perfect, as I am certainly not and Brother Lawrence recognized only too well. But the people God has put in front of us are there FOR A REASON, I firmly believe. whether it is to help, or lift up, or be brutally honest with ( in love again) depends. I hope that I can do some good w/o damaging the work that has been already accomplished before me. Because if Ido that , then how do am I putting God first, or loving my neighbor? I wish God would give me shorter thoughts, my fingers can't keep with this! something along the lines of my hair length would be appreciated Lord. :) bye for now.

Oct 9, 2008

went to Port yesterday and ALL MY STUFF WAS THERE!!!!! happy days here. I took most of my clothes and threw them into the laundry so I can wear REALLY clean clothes for awhile. I have so much stuff here now, I feel like I will have to permanently live here in order to justify the wait for all of it. while in Port one of the other missionaries, who is (along with his wife Bev) starting up the orphanage Touch Ministries is running had to get paint. So while Al is paint shopping in Port his salesperson starts talking with us. (paint is being mixed at this time). His name is Patrick Pierre. His cousin in Juan Pierre, major league baseball player. He went to high school in......Edwardsville, Ill. He played baseball there, graduated in '88 I believe, just before Tom Pile became their head coach and they dominated Ill high school baseball in southern Ill for 20 years. we had this long talk about Edwardsville and Collinsville and the rivalry, or, lack of a rivalry (Edw ALWAYS won...at pretty much everything) he laughed about that. really is a small world isn't it? he wound up spending 6 yrs in the Marines, married a Haitian woman and moved back to Haiti. Al and I had some time while Gary and Caroline were working at Agape so we went for a walk in downtown Port., just a few blocks or so. got a lot of looks, as you can imagine. but it was fun. it is becoming more and more comfortable (language dependent) being here. maybe I am just "up" today due to clean underwear, :) but it is feeling more natural. the change from a "career" to a mission worker, at least for me, has been surprisingly "unbumpy" if that explains it. the usual Haiti stuff, but I have been here and it really doesn't faze me much anymore. although we had a conversation (Caroline and myself mostly) while Gary helped Al shop for paint. they are going to arrange for me to meet the ent doc here, a woman doc from France who works in Port. it may work out that I can continue working in audiology here for her or with her or..... if so, then I may be able to support myself indefinitely here doing some audiology work. we'll see, but it is kind of exciting. whuda thought things would work out this way? (probably a God thing, dontcha think?) :) we'll see. got to get ready for school this morning, so this is all, bye for now.

Oct 7, 2008

the more I learn about Haiti, it's culture and people, the less I know about it. It seems I had this small box of acceptable understandings about Haiti. and as I learn more, the box expands in random directions...exponentially to what I learn. so therefore the more I learn, the less I know, the farther I am from "understanding" which I have been assured will never happen fully. People are so selfish, yet so giving, depending on the circumstances. I guess that is like many people. People can be so friendly, yet I am told they can turn on you in a second. I learned of a Haitian proverb, from Tara Livesay and her blog. it says "people don't trust people since Guinea". the meaning is that the people know that they were sold into slavery by the ancestors in Africa. so they trust no one. and the lack of trust is so destructive. the issues pertain to local, smaller matters also. one of my students has serious difficulty doing basic math. such as "2/3 of a minute is given to a particular excercise. how much of the minute is left?" and I explain it 9 different ways, covering every conceivable (to me) option to help him understand. and maybe it will come and maybe it won't. this student is almost 20 years old. I wonder how I can do him any good, yet I am encouraged to keep trying and maybe that is the answer. keep going regardless of the outcomes, as the outcome is really in God's hands anyway isn't it? if you know you are here for a reason, just keep going. maybe the trust issue is my own. dontcha really hate it when it comes around back to you??? :) I guess the real change I will engeder here is probably my own, kind of like worship, does it benefit me or God? well if God could be benefitted by my worship, then He was lacking something before and that is a scary thought. so I guess I benefit by growing closer to God and losing some of myself. as I work here I guess I have to forget what "good" I may do for others as I will likely do little. but the "good" done to me may be substantial, as I learn and grow and give up control of my life.

we are going to Port tomorrow, hopefully for an eventful day. the trip is really bad so I hope something good comes of it. about 5-6 hours of really bad roads there and back. but I may come back with more clothes!!!! and goodies from the Caribbean store!!! worth the effort, I say. I am getting used to the rice and beans here, but a little variety does WONDERS for morale. who knew junk food has such power?? looking out from the balcony here, it is still strange to see people just pee anywhere. they will usually go to the side of the road, but still! and it's not just men! that's what I mean about the more I learn the less I know. good think I was a single guy so long, at least I am used to....single guy stuff. we are used to most things that gross out regular people. Hail single guys!!! :) If my posts seem repetitive, it probably means I am stuck on somethin and just have not found the right words to clear it out of my head. suggestions are welcomed. for instance if anyone wants to know what eating goat at a Haitian restaraunt is like, I can detail the experience for you. things like that. feel free to suggest a post, I am sure it would probably be more interesting that what I can come up with. everyone have a good day, bye for now.

What a day!

well, let's begin with asking everyone to pray for Troy Livesay, who apparently (again) has dengue fever. Troy is a missionary in Port, and he Tara and their 7 kids.....really.....need prayer that Troy recovers and no one else get's sick.

the day started early enough as late last night thunder and lightning rolled in..for at least an hour before it started raining. and it rained hard. and apparently it had rained hard in mountains before the rain got here. we got up early...minus Jessica who is sick...and headed to Mountrois. Gary and Caroline run a Bible class there. we picked up Kevin and Evesner, and another Haitian I don't know to take to the class. on the way I was dropped off at Canaan to visit and see Sister Gladys about getting Ismael to the states. as I was walking up the road to Canaan, I caught up with a Haitian who looked at me and kind of smiled. I smiled back and said "Canaan" and he said "Wi, Canaan" as he pointed back to himself. He then said several words to me and smiled, expecting a response. I answered "pale piti Creole", meaning I speak little Creole. He smiled and walked awhile before looking at me and asking "are you an American?" I looked back and said yes, Iwas and asked him if he "pale Anglais?" to which he replied "no". so we walked in silence for awhile before he pointed to me and make a questioning face. I said "Daniel" to which he pointed to him self and said "Corvan". so I met Corvan today. once we got to the top of the hill, Iaskedfor Sister Gladys and he went off to find her. I saw Pastor Henry and he came over and greeted me along with Pastor Joel. we smiled and talked and they offered me coffee which I accepted. they did some work as I sat with Corvan. Henry came back and we discussed the school,visa's and kids. saw the missionaries who are there currently and had a good conversation. then saw some of the kids. for those of you who have been there, I saw Wesch, who was this little tiny kid before. he is not big now, but he is a lot bigger. and for awhile Wesch had lost his smile. well, he has it back and it was wonderful to see. saw Tamara who is all grown up now, we hugged and she said she is going very well in school. overall a wonderful visit and I plan to go back soon.

the ride back was as bad as the ride there. the rains last night flooded the main road in many places and mud was a foot deep or more in places. more river and steam banks were washed out and more bridges are in more danger. I can't believe where Haiti is infrastructure wise. the bridge leaving St. Marc going south is being washed out. trucks are tipping over as the sides of the roads are washed out. more homes are gone. a tractor trailer that was upstream is sitting on the side of the road in one place. it is hard to not see more devastation if another hard rain comes before dry season. then the race is to see if there is enough time, money or planning to repair some of the damage before next year. we'll see.

as we returned Barb, Bev and Al took us to a restaraunt for dinner. it is the same one where Jen almost got run over by a taxi driver. had the goat and it was not bad today. :) really. so that has been my day so far. thunder and lightning, storms washing out more roads and homes. visiting Canaan and seeing old friends and seeing kids growing up before my eyes. topped off by a goat lunch. just can't beat a day like that, can you? If the day get's better, be sure I'll let you know! again please pray for Troy as from what I know dengue fever is very difficult to get thru. bye for now.

ps. I am going to beat Caroline into giving me pic's to post. she agreed in total fear of me...... well maybe she is just being nice!

Oct 3

have reached kind of a turning point in school for myself. I have become more comfortable about being a teacher and understanding why I am here. a few incidents inthe last few days have shown me the need for myself to become more agressive about what I am doing. for those who know Kesmy, I think my relationship with him previously had actually been a hindrance. I was trying to be his friend instead of his teacher. I tried to like the kids instead of being a teacher. I will still be friendly, but I realize I am here towards a purpose. Kesmy and Myberson seek to go to college and frankly neither are ready. so to at least one of the purposes I am here, after a discussion with Gary, I decided today to get hard with the kids. or at least harder than I have been. they know they have standards to live up to, and I won't accept less. I feel better about school now. I want these kids to succeed and I have to do what I have to do to achieve this. on another front, during the Bible teaching today with the younger kids, I had a chance to pray for healing for Gladimir, one of the cutest kids you would ever see. He has been at school the last two days with a fever. I prayed for him before the teaching and after I checked his forehead and he did seem noticeably cooler. Praise God for that! I just seem more focused now for whatever reason and I am more at peace because of it. I realize that these kids have come from Haitian schools where they teach, literally, shortcuts and doing the least possible just to pass the test. yes, that is how Haitian schools are operated, that is the philosophy of education here. they are so handicapped in their thinking skills it is amazing. word problems are like Sanskrit to them, an unknown language. breaking thru this to get reasoning skills going is difficult at best. so I will push them. I guess I always wanted to be an Army drill seargant...w/o having to join the Army!! :)

have been considering coming home at Christmas, having problems getting flights to fit together at a decent price. something else to put into God's hands. I know things work out for reasons so I will not fret about it. We are all hoping it works out for Jessica to return after the first of the year. she is such a help with the younger kids as she can speak Creole to them when they don't understand. (I am just afraid they will give me that class!) so here's praying Jessica comes back. everyday, it seems I understand a little more about the culture and the people. it is difficult at times to accept what you hear. one of the superstitions is that a woman can be pregnant for 2-4 years. the baby is in her but it has a "hold" on it. this is a voodoo superstition. and I find out that there are staff here who believe it! There is so much downright lack of knowledge about things here that it is easy for superstitions like this to take hold. anything that could be explained in a way that would give someone power over someone else is fair game. it is difficult at times to distinguish between respect for people and culture and the need to just say that things are just WRONG! these superstitions cause such problems, especially about health matters. people get sick die because they believe toothpaste has miracle powers, or going to a real doctor before you see the witch doctor is very back luck. those are the types of things that you run into..... focus.... do the job in front of you and leave the rest to God. oh well, another day. pray everyone is well at home. bye for now